She told me about it before I left for work Sunday morning, as she lay in bed, in obvious pain. She wasn't planning going to go into work Sunday. However, as she was telling me about all this, she got a phone call from working, telling her she had to work, because they couldn't find anyone to cover for her. I was ticked off at her employer for putting her and her baby in danger, and worried that she had gone into work after I left (she had). However, as I sat there keying, I did what I shouldn't have done, I let my mind go there, worrying about what was the worst thing that could happen.
That of course is to lose her, and immediately I was upset thinking about her family, her kids being raised without her, just like she was raised without her dad, due to his dying at an early age. When that happened 25 years ago, it killed me to see three little kids lose their father. I cried night after night for months about what had happened to these little kids. It would kill me even more this time around. I was immediately feeling those feelings from 25 years ago and they were amplified. Allowing those thoughts, immediately had me very emotionally upset.
Thankfully, about this time, I realized that I was "worrying" and I needed to STOP that. I've long known that too much worrying is not a good thing. I come from a family full of worry warts, and I've often seen family members get very upset about things that might be happening, or could happen. I learned years ago that something like 95% of the things that you worry about never happens. By virtue of that, you've upset yourself for nothing. The things that do happen, you never would have thought to worry about. So it is a wasted exercise. When things do happen, you need your reserves to deal with whatever happens, not to have lost your reserves to your panicked worry. Despite that knowledge, I knew I had just fallen into the family worry trap, and had to get myself out of it, and do so quickly. I spent the rest of work, trying to calm myself down and knew that I had no one to blame but myself for the emotional upset I'd just been through. It's hard to get your peace back, after letting your mind go there.
I kept thinking, you know all these positive messages that I look for, including the "Rev Run" messages I get every morning; I've never seen anything that deals with worry. Yet, worry is important, because I clearly just got myself emotionally upset about something that hopefully will never happen. Would you believe, I had to laugh this morning, when I ready my daily message on my pager from "Rev Run". I'll give you one guess of today's topic! Yep, it was worry. I'm sharing his message here because I found it so insightful and most timely, considering how badly we can screw ourselves up when we don't control our worry. Here it is.
- "Good morning. Just like any other habit, worrying is a habit..Think about what you're thinking! Be proactive and protect your thoughts. (Remember this) The mind has a bias towards negatives... Therefore we must create our world. (Remember!) Being at peace takes effort!"
Timely! It helped me to realize that worrying is a habit, and just like I've had to work extremely hard learning to find the positives and think of the positives, I need to do the same with worry. I need to make sure to keep that at bay at all times. Thankfully, I usually am not that bad about "worry", compared to some in my famly. This is because I've consciously worked hard not to let it control me over the years. I slipped yesterday, however. What I did to myself was essentially something that took away my peace.
Today, I'm renewing the effort to make sure that I don't let worry back into my life and to keep this worrying habit away. If anyone out there has a "worry habit", I challenge you to work on being proactive and protecting your thoughts, as the message above says. I hate to see anyone going through the panic and losing their peace, that happen when you let your mind go down that slippery worry slope.
Gratitude Entry: I'm so grateful that I have resources at my fingertip that help me on my path towards the internal part of my renovation work. The hardest work we can do, is the work to change the way we even allow ourselves to think. Habits die hard. I think one of the hardest habits is to challenge, and to change the way we are thinking. No one is there to hear our thoughts and challenge us on it. It's work we must do ourselves. When things go wrong, and challenges rise up in life, it's doubly hard to not let ourselves backtrack into the old way of thinking. I'm really grateful that I know what kind of power I have to change myself internally, and that I've embarked on this path. My gratitude goes out to everyone who has helped me on this path, whether you're here in my life now or have crossed over to the other side and help me from there.