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Feb 27, 2010

Seasons of Life

Life has been trying for the last few months, more for others that I care about than for myself personally. The last 8 or so months, I've watch my niece go through such a long drawn out process of find a brain tumor, going through two rounds of chemotherapy, all while trying to raise three little ones and hold down a job. Up until January, I at least was able to help out a bit here at home with the little ones. Now, I'm taking 6 credits worth of classes and struggling to keep up with school while still working my full time job. I feel sad, to not be able to help out.

I want to do more to help. Instead, I come downstairs to my little domain; studying and working my brains out. Anyone out there care that the quadratus lumborum originates from the iliac crest and the iliolumbar ligament and inserts into vertebrae T12 and L1 through L4, with the action of pulling down the last rib and fixing the rib cage? Anyone? Bet there are no takers. In the grand scheme of things, it's irrelevant. However, I was forced to care, due to a test that was coming up.

For something I don't care about, the stress ran high last week most of the stresses were unimportant in the grand scheme of things, others were life changing, when it comes to the health of others. I was worried about my niece , wanting to help out as well and not being able to. It didn't help matters when my professor sent out an email last Monday inviting those who didn't have the time to devote to drop the class before this next test (halfway through the semester no less). After 5 years of teaching this class, this next test was the one where every one's grades tends to drop precipitously, hurting their chances for grad school (many in the class are taking this as a prerequisite to entering grad school in Speech and Language pathology). He warned them it would be easier to take the class again when they had the time, than to struggle with the bad grade they couldn't fix. I knew I had to study my brains out. I'd already been working hard every night and 12 hours on Saturdays. Last week I studied until nearly midnight every night, doubling the amount of hours I studied per night.

On the top of all these worries about my niece, worries about my test, I was also sick (yeah I've had some kind of cold or something going on that effects my asthma pretty badly). Oh yes, on top of having to studying my guts out, on Tuesday I had to go through my yearly observation and evaluation at work; I was on edge as I HATE those. Amidst all the stress, Was it any wonder I wanted to just eat? Food has historically been my balm through difficult times. I guess I will always be someone who wants to eat when things are tough. I will always have to battle this one.

My week is over, and the stress that can be over is over. At work, I got a glowing evaluation from my director. I guess maybe I am a better teacher than I thought! I earned my highest grade all semester on the test we were all warned we would not succeed in if we didn't put our nose to the grindstone. Food wise, I didn't go nuts. I managed to lose half a pound this week despite it all. My asthma still is pretty bad, but really, I don't feel lousy. So I count that good.

Of course it was the minor stresses that leave your life as quickly as they come in. Tests, evaluations, colds/flu's and etc. are very minor. The hardest stuff is that which you have no control over. This brain abscess seems pretty scary right now, and when my niece has seizures and other side effects; I worry excessively. By the same token, what we are living with here in Salt Lake is nothing near what is happening to loved ones a state away. I wish I could be there with my Idaho and Oregon nieces, supporting them, as they watch their mother losing her battle with cancer.

I guess if we think about it; maybe stress is a part of life. If everything was easy; we wouldn't be challenged and be able to grow. Like everyone, I'd rather everyone in my life could skip the sorrow, health challenges, and loss. I guess I need to just remember, that for every time there is a season, a season for sorrow, a season for joy and etc. Whatever we need to endure, we need to find hope and courage to get through them, knowing that this too shall pass. Somehow I find that more comforting if I think of only myself. However, when I think of those I love, I want to spare them those seasons and wish they didn't have to endure. I wish for any readers comfort through the seasons of sorrow that may be yours, and wish for you season of joy around the corner. May you find comfort from some corner, when in the difficult times of life.