Apr 12, 2009
More Coming Attractions
I've had a productive evening posting, as you can all see from the previous two posts. However, there's so much more to post! I've been having so much fun, I just can't keep up! Shortly upon returning home, spring vacation arrived! This year I actually planned something fun to do during this time. I went on a trip to St. George area where one of my best friends lives. I've got post to write and pictures to share from that trip. Titles you can expect to see in the near future is: "Wilderness in the City?" "Lions and Tigers Oh My!" (short posts for this, maybe just pictures). "Four Wheeling Divas", and less fun but still to be shared, my experiences and "Lessons in Planning". I'll be in touch!
Celebration Rocks!
This is my last post about Cochlear Celebration in Anaheim! I wanted to share some thoughts about it, ever since I got back! As you've seen by some of my posts, there's been so much to write about, it has taken me time to get to this.
At Cochlear Celebration in Anaheim, I was fortunate to be in a room with literally hundreds and hundreds of people with cochlear implants (I think around 500 to 700 people with them). Everyone from young toddlers to seniors was sporting their implant! It was absolutely incredible! I loved the instant connection and the sense of family that I felt during the whole time.
What's more, due to my own personal journey to change my life, live in the moment and celebrate the "now", I think I enjoyed myself more than I ever have before. I discovered the real me. I discovered that I am an extrovert! I would have never have guessed this at one time. I made so many new friends, lived so much joy, I couldn't contain it. I frequently would dance around with joy. People would watch me and laugh or smile. I wasn't the quite little mouse in the corner that hoped no one would pay attention to me. I felt like I had charisma and drew people to me. I had my own little "Celebration" dance that I frequently did. The music would be playing as we'd enter some of the big events. I'd be dancing and singing, "Celebration!" One old man said to me, "Do you ever run out of energy!" I laughed and smiled, "NO!!" He laughed and said, "I used to be like that when I was young!" I was flattered! Every time he'd see me, he'd laugh and joke with me about my energy!
At Celebration, my batteries kept being charged up and there was more energy than I could keep in my body. I had to let it out. Gone was the shy, isolated person. I'd make friends, be greeted the next day when I'd see the people I'd met the day before with warm hugs. Wow! Instant laughter, instant joy! Oh, and you know what, I found out I am a FLIRT! (You can ask Diane about that one, she got to watch me really go at it!) It was so common to see everyone with a cochlear implant, that after the Celebration ended, and my friends went to Disneyland the next day(Remember "Four Old Ladies Do Disney" post?); something was profoundly missing. I noticed no one there had an implant (except my little group). It was an affirmation to see so many people wearing one, and celebrating, as did I; their own little transformed lives!
What happened to the woman who didn't want to live past 50? What happened to the woman with an oxygen tank who couldn't walk 10 feet without her lip turning a little blue? What happened to the woman who was so embarrassed if anyone noticed her. Obviously, she was NOT the real me. She was buried under tons of fat and negative attitudes. The real "Ann" was on display and having a ball at Celebration 2009! I AM everything I dreamed and wished I could be. The hard work to change how I THINK, is paying off big time. The hard work to loose all the fat that I was hiding behind is paying off as well. The person who could barely move, was at the hotel gym at 10:00 p.m. trying like he dickens to work out hard enough to get her heart rate up to where it was supposed to go! How did she get this fit? While I'm not as fit as I could be, apparently my Jenny Craig program has been awesome for my heart. I had a 13% incline on the treadmill and a high speed (where I felt like I could hardly hang on), before my heart rate would go where it needed to be. Huh? My resting heart rate was usually above 100. Now, it's closer to 50. I'm transformed in so many ways!
I'm grateful to have gone on this journey. I am transformed. The transformed person, can squeeze every ounce of joy that is possible to get, out of the event I've wanted to attend for years, Cochlear Celebration! Celebration! Celebration!! Yes, dance and sing with me, "Celebration!" "Celebration!" Whoo Hoo!!! :)
At Cochlear Celebration in Anaheim, I was fortunate to be in a room with literally hundreds and hundreds of people with cochlear implants (I think around 500 to 700 people with them). Everyone from young toddlers to seniors was sporting their implant! It was absolutely incredible! I loved the instant connection and the sense of family that I felt during the whole time.
What's more, due to my own personal journey to change my life, live in the moment and celebrate the "now", I think I enjoyed myself more than I ever have before. I discovered the real me. I discovered that I am an extrovert! I would have never have guessed this at one time. I made so many new friends, lived so much joy, I couldn't contain it. I frequently would dance around with joy. People would watch me and laugh or smile. I wasn't the quite little mouse in the corner that hoped no one would pay attention to me. I felt like I had charisma and drew people to me. I had my own little "Celebration" dance that I frequently did. The music would be playing as we'd enter some of the big events. I'd be dancing and singing, "Celebration!" One old man said to me, "Do you ever run out of energy!" I laughed and smiled, "NO!!" He laughed and said, "I used to be like that when I was young!" I was flattered! Every time he'd see me, he'd laugh and joke with me about my energy!
At Celebration, my batteries kept being charged up and there was more energy than I could keep in my body. I had to let it out. Gone was the shy, isolated person. I'd make friends, be greeted the next day when I'd see the people I'd met the day before with warm hugs. Wow! Instant laughter, instant joy! Oh, and you know what, I found out I am a FLIRT! (You can ask Diane about that one, she got to watch me really go at it!) It was so common to see everyone with a cochlear implant, that after the Celebration ended, and my friends went to Disneyland the next day(Remember "Four Old Ladies Do Disney" post?); something was profoundly missing. I noticed no one there had an implant (except my little group). It was an affirmation to see so many people wearing one, and celebrating, as did I; their own little transformed lives!
What happened to the woman who didn't want to live past 50? What happened to the woman with an oxygen tank who couldn't walk 10 feet without her lip turning a little blue? What happened to the woman who was so embarrassed if anyone noticed her. Obviously, she was NOT the real me. She was buried under tons of fat and negative attitudes. The real "Ann" was on display and having a ball at Celebration 2009! I AM everything I dreamed and wished I could be. The hard work to change how I THINK, is paying off big time. The hard work to loose all the fat that I was hiding behind is paying off as well. The person who could barely move, was at the hotel gym at 10:00 p.m. trying like he dickens to work out hard enough to get her heart rate up to where it was supposed to go! How did she get this fit? While I'm not as fit as I could be, apparently my Jenny Craig program has been awesome for my heart. I had a 13% incline on the treadmill and a high speed (where I felt like I could hardly hang on), before my heart rate would go where it needed to be. Huh? My resting heart rate was usually above 100. Now, it's closer to 50. I'm transformed in so many ways!
I'm grateful to have gone on this journey. I am transformed. The transformed person, can squeeze every ounce of joy that is possible to get, out of the event I've wanted to attend for years, Cochlear Celebration! Celebration! Celebration!! Yes, dance and sing with me, "Celebration!" "Celebration!" Whoo Hoo!!! :)
Pioneering Heroes
Sometimes I wonder if people understand that a big miracle has already happened. Hard work and decades of work on the other side of the world (Australia), during the early 70's on up is directly responsible for transforming my world. Above you see the picture of my number one hero. I haven't been fortunate to meet him, but he is Dr. Graeme Clark. He is the pioneer who did the impossible. His father was a pharmacist who was deaf. Customer's would come into the pharmacy and try to ask in quiet embarrassed voices for private personal items. His father couldn't hear and any attempt at privacy was lost as voices had to be raised. Dr. Clark vowed to find out if there was anyway to help those that are deaf, like his father. He spent years researching, even standing on the street corner begging for money, when there was none to support his research. Without his dream and passion, my life wouldn't be what it is now. I hope to one day meet him. Maybe at Cochlear Celebration 2011 if I'm lucky!
Dr. Clark's first employee was the engineer, Jim Patrick, who's picture I took at Cochlear Celebration in Anaheim. He is the one who had to figure out how to make it all possible, do the engineering. I was fortunate to hear him speak at Cochlear Celebration in Anaheim, to meet him, converse with him, as well as to give him a hug and thank him for all the work he did that transformed my life and those of thousands other. He said in his speech, that there are 120,000 people with implants now. That's 120,000 lives changed. When I got my chance to talk with him, I told him that 120,000 was too small a number. There are millions of lives changed, when you think of all the families who's lives were/are also changed. He had a little petri type dish that contained electrodes that like those that are inside my cochlea. They looked like little specks of gold. When I looked at the same specks in the microscope, I saw the intricate detail of each of the golden rings (as they looked like they were), that will have have finely engineered wire the size of a human hair going through their center, before implantation. I'm amazed. I listened with interest as Jim Patrick talked about the many milestones in their research. He talked about things that happened in 1976, 1978 and etc. Each time he mentioned a date, I'd think of what I was doing in those years. As I told Jim later, if someone had told me on those dates, oh so many years ago, that a man like him was doing the research a half a world away from me in Australia, that would transform my life, I wouldn't have believed it. We NEVER know who is out there working on the next miracle that will touch us. I'm grateful for the current miracle, as well as for the once in a lifetime opportunity to personally meet and converse with one of my pioneering heroes. He was a very enjoyable to chat with later at Disneyland, as we waited for the fireworks to start. All the time, I was thinking, "Pinch me! Am I really standing here shooting the breeze and talking to my hero?"
Rod Saunders is my next pioneering hero. Of the three men I mention here, he is no longer with us. He attended the last Cochlear Celebration in 2007, but passed away later that year. So I wasn't able to meet him in Cochlear Celebration 2009. He was the first person to be implanted with the cochlear implant. I remember all the thinking and struggle before my first implant. Was it worth the risk? In truth, the risk were very minimal for me. I'd already seen lots of people with implants, such as my sister. I had lots of data available to me. Even so, it was a difficult decision. Rod Saunders had none of that. My processor fits on my ear. His processor was a whole roomful of computers. He underwent a surgery no one had ever done or had before. He could only hope to hear when he went into the room, once a week, or however often he went in there as a research subject. He had no clue if he would ever hear, if the surgery would succeed. He was willing to try. That to me is the ultimate bravery. Because of him, 120,000 people can hear now, and millions of lives of their family and friends are touched. While I never will be lucky enough to meet him since he has passed on. Yes, Diane (my friend who reads my blog and frequently posts comments) I am jealous that you got to meet all three of men I've written about here! :) Though I will never meet him, I can still honor him and the role he played in bringing about the miracle I experience every time I attach the processor to my head and turn it on. The sound is on, I'm on the air!
Thank you Dr. Clark, Jim Patrick and Rod Saunders for all the passion, hard work and sacrifice that allow me to talk on the phone, listen to an audio book, enjoy music, overhear jokes, quips and funny remarks, understand the voices of the children, hear the babble of the infant and connect easily with the people I love. Thank you for all the little children I see, learning to talk, listen, hear and be fully part of their families. Isolation isn't something they will have to live with due to this miracle. Their achievements in the future are limitless as this miracle allows them to soar more fully and easily to future greatness. I'm grateful for the opportunity to live a life, touched by a miracle and the pioneers that made it possible.
Apr 5, 2009
Four Old Ladies Do Disney
When Cochlear Celebration ended, myself and my 3 Utah friends stayed behind to spend a day at the theme parks! We certainly didn't fit the normal demographics of Disneyland and California Adventures! Just thought I'd share some pictures! Here we are, screaming on California Screaming!
Adventurous old broads, ain't we? We didn't stop there! Three of us went for a ride on the Tower of Terror! Here, we are again, being dropped out of the sky! :)
I tried to take a picture at one point in the day, and all I got was "tired old ladies" pictures! Don't you agree?
Being a polite photographer, wanting to help the ladies be at their best, I politely said the time worn photographer's phrase, "Smile!" Tired ladies no longer! They look alive! :)
Disneyland and California Adventures wore me out! However, there were so many victories in the day, that I'm glad I went. Victories: 1) Being able to spend the day on my feet without too much difficulty. 2) Being able to walk miles and miles, no oxygen in sight. 3) Being able to keep up with the group and walking fast. I used to always lag behind everyone and it nearly killed me to try and walk faster. 4) Being able to fit in all the rides!
Adventurous old broads, ain't we? We didn't stop there! Three of us went for a ride on the Tower of Terror! Here, we are again, being dropped out of the sky! :)
I tried to take a picture at one point in the day, and all I got was "tired old ladies" pictures! Don't you agree?
Being a polite photographer, wanting to help the ladies be at their best, I politely said the time worn photographer's phrase, "Smile!" Tired ladies no longer! They look alive! :)
I couldn't resist adding this picture of three of us posing with the letter "A"! If you notice, I'm sitting on the ground here! That in itself is a minor miracle. It wasn't until this last year that I dared to sit on the ground. There was a time I couldn't make it up off the ground without someone on each side of me lifting me up, taking great care to not touch on my bad knee on the way up. Plopping onto the ground to fit in the picture with my friends is a victory of sorts!
Disneyland and California Adventures wore me out! However, there were so many victories in the day, that I'm glad I went. Victories: 1) Being able to spend the day on my feet without too much difficulty. 2) Being able to walk miles and miles, no oxygen in sight. 3) Being able to keep up with the group and walking fast. I used to always lag behind everyone and it nearly killed me to try and walk faster. 4) Being able to fit in all the rides!
Apr 4, 2009
The Price of Embarrassment
I had a lot of fun, engaging in the art of "snappy and witty repartee"! It's not very often I find anyone who's sense of humor clicks with mine and we have tons of fun with this. In one such round, I managed to embarrass him, leaving him speechless! According to his friend Carol, no one is able to do that. After rendering him speechless, he proceeded to pull a dollar out of his bill fold and pay me for that one! The comment that left him speechless, was after he compared something (I can't remember what), to being as difficult as undoing a woman's bra. I cooed back, "I didn't know you had so much experience with that!" He was speechless and couldn't find anything to say in response. The whole group of us laughed as he sputtered, trying to find something to say!
We snapped another picture of him giving me the dollar, in case the lighting was bad on the first picture.
We snapped another picture of him giving me the dollar, in case the lighting was bad on the first picture.
So here I was, crowing with excitement that I could embarrass him and feeling pretty good. Then Carol asked me, "Ann, what's your last name?" What did I do? I certainly didn't answer her, I went searching for my name tag around my neck to show her. You have to understand it was a habit to show name tags with all these cochlear implantees, as it's hard to hear specific names. However, in the midst of hunting for my name tag, I realized what I was doing. The whole group laughed uproariously at my not knowing my last name, without searching for it. I was laughing right along with them in sheepish embarassment! Carol then became the proud recipient of the $1.00, just for embarassing me!
The price of fun? It can't be counted. There is joy to be found, moment to enjoy, in just having simple conversation, laughter, and exchanging witty repartee (I think Diane would call that flirting!) :)
Apr 1, 2009
Where's Goofy?
So does my title lead you to think that I'm going to talk about the Disney character that can be found here with his buddies at Disneyland? I DID see Goofy, and all his friends, but I FOOLED you, (It's still April Fool's Day for at least another 20 minutes!) If you guessed the goofy below, you're WRONG! :)
The real subject of the blog is living in the moment! When you in the moment, you can find joy and goofiness anywhere! Below are three other possible winners you can vote on for the "Where's Goofy"? contest. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you some other possible
candidate for Goofy?
CANDIDATE #1
Above you I present candidate #1! Don't ask this innocent little photographer what in the world she did to deserve such brazenly goofy treatment!
CANDIDATE #2
Here we have Candidate #2! Believe it or not, this gentlemen can be found all over Cochlear Americas materials and videos. Yes, yes, he is a likable fellow, but I daresay none of this materials shows the Goofy #2 that this naive' little photographer had an encounter with. Believe me, she's not paparazzi!
CANDIDATE #3
What? You know her? Really? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I now present for your voting pleasure Candidate #3, Ms. Little Skinny Herself! :) For a little "illegal swaying of the voting bloc", let me present one little tidbit. You'd have never found Goofy #1 or Goofy #2, if Goofy #3 wasn't egging them on! (Vote me, vote me!)
Now that I've presented your three voting options! The polls are now open! (Management regrets to apologize for the elimination of the Disney Goofy. He just wasn't goofy enough for this competition and is out of the race!)
In addition to the voting options below, I have a challenge. Can you figure out what all three "Goofys" have in common! The only clue I will give you is that they did all spend the last weekend attending Cochlear Celebration. Please enter your guesses along with your votes!
(Here's crossing my fingers for a certain someone to win the "Where's Goofy"? contest.)
The real subject of the blog is living in the moment! When you in the moment, you can find joy and goofiness anywhere! Below are three other possible winners you can vote on for the "Where's Goofy"? contest. Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you some other possible
candidate for Goofy?
CANDIDATE #1
Above you I present candidate #1! Don't ask this innocent little photographer what in the world she did to deserve such brazenly goofy treatment!
CANDIDATE #2
Here we have Candidate #2! Believe it or not, this gentlemen can be found all over Cochlear Americas materials and videos. Yes, yes, he is a likable fellow, but I daresay none of this materials shows the Goofy #2 that this naive' little photographer had an encounter with. Believe me, she's not paparazzi!
CANDIDATE #3
What? You know her? Really? Well, ladies and gentlemen, I now present for your voting pleasure Candidate #3, Ms. Little Skinny Herself! :) For a little "illegal swaying of the voting bloc", let me present one little tidbit. You'd have never found Goofy #1 or Goofy #2, if Goofy #3 wasn't egging them on! (Vote me, vote me!)
Now that I've presented your three voting options! The polls are now open! (Management regrets to apologize for the elimination of the Disney Goofy. He just wasn't goofy enough for this competition and is out of the race!)
In addition to the voting options below, I have a challenge. Can you figure out what all three "Goofys" have in common! The only clue I will give you is that they did all spend the last weekend attending Cochlear Celebration. Please enter your guesses along with your votes!
(Here's crossing my fingers for a certain someone to win the "Where's Goofy"? contest.)
Mar 31, 2009
Coming Attractions
Hello Everyone!!! I'm back from having the time of my life at Cochlear Celebration, in warm, sunny Anaheim, California. I'm a little overwhelmed with all there is to do here at home, and have to hit the ground running, so it will take me some time to fully update my blog with all the thoughts and going ons I want to share. Keep your eyes peeled! I will work on getting a post or two a day added over the next few days, as time allows. Possible coming attraction titles, "Celebration", "The Price of Embarrassment", Where's Goofy? "Pioneering Hero", "Four Old Ladies Do Disney". I'll be in touch! :)
Mar 24, 2009
Wow! What a surprise!
It's not everyday you get pleasant surprises! I was notified that a book was put together, for whom I had submitted a little humorous anecdote. They sent me the link to order the book. When I clicked on the link, I saw that I could preview the book! Imagine my surprise, to open the preview and find a picture of me with my anecdote right at the front of the book! Click on the title above to see the book! How FUN! I think I am famous now! :-)
Mar 21, 2009
Weighty Struggles
I'm sorry it's been so long since I posted. I'm kind of just hanging in there at the moment and struggling big time with my weight! I went to dinner with a friend and gained 4 pounds the next day. I felt pretty defeated that one meal could do me in so badly. Before weigh in time the next week, I sat attended a two day conference where it might as well have been raining food. My resistance was "nil" as I noticed my mood was such that I felt deprived if I tried to resist. The week that followed wasn't any better. Needless to say, to keep myself from getting down about the current struggles, I have weighed the last two weeks with my back to the scale, so I don't have to face up to where it is! I've not allowed my consultant to tell me where it is, but she did tell me it's not as bad as I think it is! I'll hold onto that!
One of my struggle occurs because of the realization that my whole life will be a constant effort to be vigilant. With a little body, it gains weight soooooo easily. Heck, I can tell by how easy it is to live in the body, it doesn't take so many calories to operate it. I'm not lugging around that extra 224 lbs every moment of the day. So it shouldn't be a surprise, or difficult for me to wrap my mind around the "eternal vigilance" concept in terms of my daily caloric intake. My only chance to get the upper hand, in times when I'm struggling to make the best choices, is to increase the activity and really exercise. I've not been doing well on that lately.
Next week I leave town for about six days to go to Anaheim for Cochlear Celebration. I'm really excited about the trip, but a little stressed that I'm starting the trip with the weight struggles currently not being handled well. I think I've forgotten the lessons I've been learning about living in the now, and allowed myself to be weighed down by the concern over the food challenges ahead.
I do keep telling myself not to get down about the fact that this is a life-long effort, and to be so grateful that at least I'm battling the weight ups and downs from this end of the scale, rather than from the top end of the scale some 224 lbs ago. When I reached the new weight loss number a few weeks ago, I had hoped to lost about 3.9 more lbs before I left for Anaheim. Why? Because I'd be out of the 160s and into the 150s. The 150s was where my goal weight was situated. Unfortunately, that isn't happening, so I'm trying to make peace with where I am now and be positive.
I guess the good news is that I am at least trying to take some action. I'm currently doing some research of different gyms, trying to find something good enough that I will keep going after I start! I find that it's pretty difficult to force myself on my treadmill these days, as I just hate it at times. When I return (just before April Fools day), I hope I will have made up my mind regarding the best gym choice and be motivated and ready to hit the ground running!
I'm grateful that I do have some fun ahead of me. First I have the Anaheim convention and all the fun that entails. A couple of weeks later I have another shorter trip planned in St. George area with one of my best friends, during the week that I have off for Spring Vacation from school. There really IS lots to look forward to. Here's to reminding myself to live in the "NOW again, enjoy my moments now, as well as continue to be excited for all the fun ahead. I'll make it a goal to look for opportunities to be active during the vacations and not let myself get bogged down feeling the stress of the food choices not being so perfect!! :)
Don't expect much posting between now and the first of April! I've got a busy week ahead of me until I leave, and then I'm off!!!! Toodle-ooo! Here's wishing you all a good week ahead and success in overcoming all your own struggles!
One of my struggle occurs because of the realization that my whole life will be a constant effort to be vigilant. With a little body, it gains weight soooooo easily. Heck, I can tell by how easy it is to live in the body, it doesn't take so many calories to operate it. I'm not lugging around that extra 224 lbs every moment of the day. So it shouldn't be a surprise, or difficult for me to wrap my mind around the "eternal vigilance" concept in terms of my daily caloric intake. My only chance to get the upper hand, in times when I'm struggling to make the best choices, is to increase the activity and really exercise. I've not been doing well on that lately.
Next week I leave town for about six days to go to Anaheim for Cochlear Celebration. I'm really excited about the trip, but a little stressed that I'm starting the trip with the weight struggles currently not being handled well. I think I've forgotten the lessons I've been learning about living in the now, and allowed myself to be weighed down by the concern over the food challenges ahead.
I do keep telling myself not to get down about the fact that this is a life-long effort, and to be so grateful that at least I'm battling the weight ups and downs from this end of the scale, rather than from the top end of the scale some 224 lbs ago. When I reached the new weight loss number a few weeks ago, I had hoped to lost about 3.9 more lbs before I left for Anaheim. Why? Because I'd be out of the 160s and into the 150s. The 150s was where my goal weight was situated. Unfortunately, that isn't happening, so I'm trying to make peace with where I am now and be positive.
I guess the good news is that I am at least trying to take some action. I'm currently doing some research of different gyms, trying to find something good enough that I will keep going after I start! I find that it's pretty difficult to force myself on my treadmill these days, as I just hate it at times. When I return (just before April Fools day), I hope I will have made up my mind regarding the best gym choice and be motivated and ready to hit the ground running!
I'm grateful that I do have some fun ahead of me. First I have the Anaheim convention and all the fun that entails. A couple of weeks later I have another shorter trip planned in St. George area with one of my best friends, during the week that I have off for Spring Vacation from school. There really IS lots to look forward to. Here's to reminding myself to live in the "NOW again, enjoy my moments now, as well as continue to be excited for all the fun ahead. I'll make it a goal to look for opportunities to be active during the vacations and not let myself get bogged down feeling the stress of the food choices not being so perfect!! :)
Don't expect much posting between now and the first of April! I've got a busy week ahead of me until I leave, and then I'm off!!!! Toodle-ooo! Here's wishing you all a good week ahead and success in overcoming all your own struggles!
Mar 10, 2009
Don't Believe Everything You Think
I was just reading a little item that had been emailed to me. I came across the quote, "Don't believe everything you think". I think that quote is really profound and very helpful. When I was young, I don't know if we're quoting from something my sibling heard somewhere or what, but I remember one of my siblings and I joking and saying this, "Do you know what thought did?" Reply, "No." "Thought thought wrong". I think we thought this was pretty clever and a funny play on words. Little did we know how true this often is.
So many times I've become more aware of things I thought, there were wrong. I've been endeavoring to open my mind and listen to other opinions or explanations of where I might be wrong, without getting defensive. I need to be open in order to learn. I've also become just as aware of how strongly other people hold onto their erroneous thoughts. The thoughts that I'm picking up as erroneous, are ones that are really damaging to the person who believes them. To give a simplistic example, "That is such an ugly picture of me, I don't want anyone seeing that picture", sadly spoken with real hate and venom. The truth was the picture was a really awesome picture from years ago, that always touched me by the beauty in her. This is a very simplistic example, but I hope it illustrates what I'm trying to say here.
I've worked really hard in recent months to filter my thoughts very carefully. When I catch the negative ones coming in, I work to get a hold of myself and stop and analyze that. I work to find the real truth, which often allows me to eliminate that. Or barring that, to find a positive way to look at something. This internal effort goes on during all my waking moments. It's a constant policing effort. The good news for me, is that the more I do it, the more skilled I become at catching things and stopping them, and even stop thinking bad stuff all together. I am often finding myself able to prevent wrong thoughts, negative thoughts and bad thoughts from taking hold and sending me spiraling down emotionally. There are still times where I fail a little. The good news is, that I'm much quicker at catching on to the "criminal activity" and sending those little thought police out to do a better job of cleaning up the streets (my mind) and restoring law and order (peace an internal harmony).
The interesting thing about this process, is how quickly I catch on to someone else doing the same thing to themselves in the things they say. When you have such strong brakes, they react just as strongly to other's thoughts. It actually hurts me to hear anyone, but most especially people I care about; not only tear themselves down, but to negatively judge and tear apart the motives, actions and thoughts of others. The sad part is, that the times I've tried to tactfully show them a different way to see it, I've not been heard. The person seems to believe everything they think, and refuse to realize that "Thought thought wrong", or be incapable of understanding that "Thought CAN think wrong".
It's a struggle to to have an active strong "thought police force" in the beginning. However, it's so worth it. As I continue to grow and learn in so many areas of my life, at least I'm not throwing myself off the cliff anymore. Therefore I'm more open to learn the lessons I need to, and to attempt to find the next path I need to go down in my growth process. I've got a long way to go. I know I'm on the right path as I feel joy and happiness deep within. I don't have the job I want, enough money to stop working a 2nd job, or the relationship I always hoped for. None of that has happened during this renovation process. However, the internal journey has revealed that the joy, true happiness is within. An active thought police helps you to uncover and truly appreciate what is hiding within the depths of your soul. The true and awesome YOU.
So many times I've become more aware of things I thought, there were wrong. I've been endeavoring to open my mind and listen to other opinions or explanations of where I might be wrong, without getting defensive. I need to be open in order to learn. I've also become just as aware of how strongly other people hold onto their erroneous thoughts. The thoughts that I'm picking up as erroneous, are ones that are really damaging to the person who believes them. To give a simplistic example, "That is such an ugly picture of me, I don't want anyone seeing that picture", sadly spoken with real hate and venom. The truth was the picture was a really awesome picture from years ago, that always touched me by the beauty in her. This is a very simplistic example, but I hope it illustrates what I'm trying to say here.
I've worked really hard in recent months to filter my thoughts very carefully. When I catch the negative ones coming in, I work to get a hold of myself and stop and analyze that. I work to find the real truth, which often allows me to eliminate that. Or barring that, to find a positive way to look at something. This internal effort goes on during all my waking moments. It's a constant policing effort. The good news for me, is that the more I do it, the more skilled I become at catching things and stopping them, and even stop thinking bad stuff all together. I am often finding myself able to prevent wrong thoughts, negative thoughts and bad thoughts from taking hold and sending me spiraling down emotionally. There are still times where I fail a little. The good news is, that I'm much quicker at catching on to the "criminal activity" and sending those little thought police out to do a better job of cleaning up the streets (my mind) and restoring law and order (peace an internal harmony).
The interesting thing about this process, is how quickly I catch on to someone else doing the same thing to themselves in the things they say. When you have such strong brakes, they react just as strongly to other's thoughts. It actually hurts me to hear anyone, but most especially people I care about; not only tear themselves down, but to negatively judge and tear apart the motives, actions and thoughts of others. The sad part is, that the times I've tried to tactfully show them a different way to see it, I've not been heard. The person seems to believe everything they think, and refuse to realize that "Thought thought wrong", or be incapable of understanding that "Thought CAN think wrong".
It's a struggle to to have an active strong "thought police force" in the beginning. However, it's so worth it. As I continue to grow and learn in so many areas of my life, at least I'm not throwing myself off the cliff anymore. Therefore I'm more open to learn the lessons I need to, and to attempt to find the next path I need to go down in my growth process. I've got a long way to go. I know I'm on the right path as I feel joy and happiness deep within. I don't have the job I want, enough money to stop working a 2nd job, or the relationship I always hoped for. None of that has happened during this renovation process. However, the internal journey has revealed that the joy, true happiness is within. An active thought police helps you to uncover and truly appreciate what is hiding within the depths of your soul. The true and awesome YOU.
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