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Nov 14, 2011

H -E - Double Hocky Sticks Week

It's been a long, long time since I wrote about the weight loss journey that you see documented in the layout of the blog.  The truth is, that since reaching my goal weight a couple of years ago, I've struggled to  maintain my weight.  I've gained a few pounds, which is enough to unnerve me significantly.  I have kept perspective and realized that though I've gained a few pounds, I've not given up the fight.  I've still continued my weekly visits to Jenny Craig for support.  My mindset has not been what it needs to be and I've cheated enough to be in this situation. 

As I've searched and struggled to get my mind fully in the game, I hit upon a "possible solution".  What did I do?  I've joined Boot Camp!  I figured this intense 6 week physical program, might be the next step I need to take.  Today, I started my first week, which is known as "Hell Week".  After my first workout tonight, I now know why.

Holy Cow!  First they put a 30 lb vest on that you have to wear to work out in during Hell Week.  When you gain weight, a little at a time, you never notice it coming on, except I did start to notice that there's a little too much stress on my knee, that used to not be there before.  However, when 30 lbs is strapped to your chest all at once, you realize as you go through a super demanding workout, drastically out of shape, what a burden extra weight is.  For me, having that weight pressing on my chest, was really difficult for my lungs.  When I weighed over 200 lbs more than I do now, I couldn't do anything without my oxygen tank strapped to me.  I realized instantly tonight how the weight effects my lungs.  I think the lesson is starting to sink into  my stubborn mindset that I've had for a while.  The mind set that said, 4 1/2 years of losing weight, you deserve to take it easy and not work so hard.  Now I'm starting to see that maybe the work never lets up.

I'd recently come to the realization that if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward.  Ever so subtly, and quite unnoticeable I've been moving backwards.  I was realizing this recently, in terms of personal growth.  Now I'm starting to click onto the fact that this lesson applies physically as well.  What I really hoped would happen with boot camp, is that I'd get enough exercise that the little slips food-wise that I like to enjoy, would be burned off.  I know that if I'm more physically active, I'll do better at maintaining weight.  However, after just the first day of Boot Camp in Hell Week, I'm starting to realize there are other lessons I need to learn and re-learn as well.

The first jolt was to realize what a burden gaining weight is.  I DON'T want to ever go back to that person.  As I do the physically demanding work out for the next 4 days (including 6 a.m. in the park workout scheduled for a cold winter Friday morning this week), carting around my 30 lb vest that I'd suddenly gained; I think my mindset is going to really change to what it needs to be.  I can feel myself getting that change already, on Day 1. 

Another lesson learned today, was how deep my determination really does run.  I've always known that once I set my mind to something, nothing stops me.  The problem I have at times, is that I don't always "set my mind" to what I want.  I just kind of pussy foot around it and say I want this or that, but I don't steel myself to work for what it is I want.  Tonight as I struggled to breathe, struggled to complete the number of reps required for each task; there were a couple of times I found myself really digging deep.  I WAS going to complete it, no matter what it took.  It was a nice reminder of what really is down deep in the core of my being.  I will probably get more "experience" in digging deep for my determination this week. 

There's other things that I'm working on for personal growth, in addition to this Boot Camp for physical growth, I will make those subjects for a future blog.  One of the interesting things is that at a point in our workout, we are to say that "P.T. Lovell requests more P.T.  Thank you for conditioning my mind and my body".  I thought it was silly when I first learned I'd have to memorize this to say tonight.  However, I really am understanding the meanings behind it.  First of all, being positive, and asking for more workout, is really a way to prevent you from saying, "Oh, this is too much, I can't do it", but rather say and think something more empowering.  This and several other small things that were done tonight, in addition to the 30 lb. vests, made me realize that there really is some conditioning of the mind going on as well.  I NEED that conditioning of both my mind and body!

So wish me well folks.  While I've sadly neglected my blog more often than not over the last couple of years, I've now resolved that I will be returning to writing more frequently, as I once did when I was on the initial weight loss journey a few years back.  Part of the writing my blog is therapeutic.  It helps me to sort through the things I'm learning, as well as gives me clarity of thought.  You have to clear your thoughts, before you are able to clearly communicate what is in your head.  Check back weekly, I'm resolving to write at least that often! :)


cami said...

Way to go Ann!!!! I'm so excited for you and your new journey. Can't wait to hear about all your experiences! Your amazing :)

Karen Putz said...

Wow, I'm so proud of you!!! You made the commitment at ALDA and you stuck it out. You go, girl! You're inspiring me on!

Ang said...

You are amazing! I have also found that you never get a break from weight loss, and its a battle every day for basically every one. I love hearing about your will power. Good for you!! If anyone can do it it's you. :)

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