Life's Little Joys (A Photo Essay)

All three came down to "spend time" with me.  Amazing they all three fit into one chair!  They're growing so fast, I don't think that will last for long!

"What ice cream?  I don't see any"  (Me thinks someone ate it all!)

This is how I spend HOURS of my time.  Pure bliss!  A slice of heaven!

"What?  Why wait to put on my swim trunks and take off my shoes!  The water was calling my name!"

"I'm no baby, I don't belong in the stroller you're pushing.  I'm a big boy and pushing my own stroller!  So there! "

"My mom says I can really 'Rock my speedo'.  Daddy seems to agree, but my big brother is too busy preparing to dive down and join Spongebob to care what I'm wearing!"

Three generations having a ball at the little 4th of July carnival!

The most AWESOME roommates in the world!  I couldn't get any luckier!

The Future Is In My Hands

Life is bringing me more changes. For a long time, I've felt that I needed out of my current career. I had hope that something better was out there for me.


I never imagined that possibly the new career that I was dreaming about and could be passionate about was in my current career. My professional life got thrown upside down when I was given my new teaching assignment for next year. My new students grade level? Well, geeze they don't have a grade level. Actually, you can only categorize them my age: birth to 3 years.


The picture above of my little great nephew's hand in mine, now represents to me all those little babies I will now teach. I'm awed at the possibilities. I'm going to be part of thr process by which a deaf baby learns to listen and talk. During the past year or so, I've thought a more than a few times about our PIP (Parent Infant Program), what was missing and what it needed. I felt it wasn't keeping up with all that was needed with all the technology that we have in this day and age. Deaf kids need the right start in life to really maximize their potential. With the technology of cochlear implants and digital hearing aids, research that has taught us about the critical work being done in the brain and how it impacts the outcome for the deaf baby; I felt something was wrong. However, not having any involvement in this program; it was nothing I'd ever be involved in improving.


Times change. We hired a new superintendent this year. He is one that realized that there were huge needs and improvements needed for these little deaf babies and toddlers. He's hired a new team and this program is being changed drastically in all the right ways. The new director of PIP says this department will be the premiere department of our school. Little ole' me, I'm going to part of all this change. I never could have imagined. What I also could never have imagined, is that I'm excited for the new challenges and opportunities. It's going to be hard work. It's going to be HUGE change. Oh, yes...I'm going to have to study hard and learn lots. Despite it all, I'm excited.



Little babies, their parents and families are in my future now. Conversely, I'm in their future. My work with them sets the foundation for their life ahead. I can't think of anything more important. I'm honored and thrilled.

Seasons of Life

Life has been trying for the last few months, more for others that I care about than for myself personally. The last 8 or so months, I've watch my niece go through such a long drawn out process of find a brain tumor, going through two rounds of chemotherapy, all while trying to raise three little ones and hold down a job. Up until January, I at least was able to help out a bit here at home with the little ones. Now, I'm taking 6 credits worth of classes and struggling to keep up with school while still working my full time job. I feel sad, to not be able to help out.

I want to do more to help. Instead, I come downstairs to my little domain; studying and working my brains out. Anyone out there care that the quadratus lumborum originates from the iliac crest and the iliolumbar ligament and inserts into vertebrae T12 and L1 through L4, with the action of pulling down the last rib and fixing the rib cage? Anyone? Bet there are no takers. In the grand scheme of things, it's irrelevant. However, I was forced to care, due to a test that was coming up.

For something I don't care about, the stress ran high last week most of the stresses were unimportant in the grand scheme of things, others were life changing, when it comes to the health of others. I was worried about my niece , wanting to help out as well and not being able to. It didn't help matters when my professor sent out an email last Monday inviting those who didn't have the time to devote to drop the class before this next test (halfway through the semester no less). After 5 years of teaching this class, this next test was the one where every one's grades tends to drop precipitously, hurting their chances for grad school (many in the class are taking this as a prerequisite to entering grad school in Speech and Language pathology). He warned them it would be easier to take the class again when they had the time, than to struggle with the bad grade they couldn't fix. I knew I had to study my brains out. I'd already been working hard every night and 12 hours on Saturdays. Last week I studied until nearly midnight every night, doubling the amount of hours I studied per night.

On the top of all these worries about my niece, worries about my test, I was also sick (yeah I've had some kind of cold or something going on that effects my asthma pretty badly). Oh yes, on top of having to studying my guts out, on Tuesday I had to go through my yearly observation and evaluation at work; I was on edge as I HATE those. Amidst all the stress, Was it any wonder I wanted to just eat? Food has historically been my balm through difficult times. I guess I will always be someone who wants to eat when things are tough. I will always have to battle this one.

My week is over, and the stress that can be over is over. At work, I got a glowing evaluation from my director. I guess maybe I am a better teacher than I thought! I earned my highest grade all semester on the test we were all warned we would not succeed in if we didn't put our nose to the grindstone. Food wise, I didn't go nuts. I managed to lose half a pound this week despite it all. My asthma still is pretty bad, but really, I don't feel lousy. So I count that good.

Of course it was the minor stresses that leave your life as quickly as they come in. Tests, evaluations, colds/flu's and etc. are very minor. The hardest stuff is that which you have no control over. This brain abscess seems pretty scary right now, and when my niece has seizures and other side effects; I worry excessively. By the same token, what we are living with here in Salt Lake is nothing near what is happening to loved ones a state away. I wish I could be there with my Idaho and Oregon nieces, supporting them, as they watch their mother losing her battle with cancer.

I guess if we think about it; maybe stress is a part of life. If everything was easy; we wouldn't be challenged and be able to grow. Like everyone, I'd rather everyone in my life could skip the sorrow, health challenges, and loss. I guess I need to just remember, that for every time there is a season, a season for sorrow, a season for joy and etc. Whatever we need to endure, we need to find hope and courage to get through them, knowing that this too shall pass. Somehow I find that more comforting if I think of only myself. However, when I think of those I love, I want to spare them those seasons and wish they didn't have to endure. I wish for any readers comfort through the seasons of sorrow that may be yours, and wish for you season of joy around the corner. May you find comfort from some corner, when in the difficult times of life.

An Article about me!

AOL apparently has a website called, "That's Fit". A week or two ago, I was interviewed by their reporter via email. I was asked to send photos as well as answer a bunch of questions. For anyone that's interested, click on the title above and you'll go to the link. Or, you can click on it here:

http://www.thatsfit.com/2009/12/28/ann-lost-238-pounds-and-renovated-her-life/

There was one big error, they say I've maintained the weight since April 2008. Don't know where that came from. Other than that, everything is pretty much reported as I said! Hope you guys enjoy reading it!

Lessons Learned from a One Year Old

For the last 13-14 months, I've had the pleasure of living with a baby and watching him grow. There have been lots of little lessons along the way, as I've watched him continually develop and grow from month to month. However, it's been really eye opening for me in the last couple of months, as I've watched him learn to walk. He took his first steps on his first birthday. If he thought about it, he wouldn't think he could walk. However, as he walked between his mother and me, then his mother and father, he'd be so excited about the person that he was going to, that his body just took over and he'd make it.

After his first steps, I expected him to be off and running. I took off for a week to attend a convention in Seattle just a few days after his birthday. I figured that although he hadn't yet realized he could walk, by the time I came home in a week, he would be off and running. Maybe he'd walk to me when I got back in town, or so I thought.

Wrong! If you're a parent, you already know it doesn't happen that fast. Never having been a parent, I'm learning what it's really like as an "old lady"! (said tongue in cheek) As he spent the next couple of months mastering the walking, it was very instructive to me to watch his progress and how he worked through different stages.

At first, he would have his arms shoulder high to keep himself balanced, and heaven forbid there was anything at all on the floor, no matter how small....he would fall. Eventually over time he learned how to keep his balance and the arms finally came down. Unfortunately, he still fell over any little thing on the floor, especially the riser between the kitchen and the living room. All of a sudden, I noticed, he wasn't falling anymore when he went over the riser, nor over the little obstacles. He was learning how to balance. I also noticed that though he'd initially learned to walk, he didn't know how to get up. He'd crawl to the next object that he could use to get himself up and off he'd go again. He had a lot of failures, especially in the beginning. It took a lot of time and a lot of perseverance.

If you compared his walking to many of the things that we attempt to do. How often do we just simply say, "I can't" and don't even try? The most frustrating student I ever had were the ones who refused to try, and simply said, "I can't", no matter how many times and ways I tried to show them they could. Thankfully the babies haven't acquired the "learned helplessness" I've seen in some students, as a teacher. The night he took his first steps, if he thought about it, he would think he couldn't and not try. However, he had his eyes on the face of a loved one and wanted to go as we encouraged him on. Even once he had done it, he didn't master it, or even fully realized what he could do. He fell a lot. His attempts were few at first, but as he practiced, over time, the attempts increased. Really, he'd probably walked a hundred times and he was still falling and somewhat wobbly; but still, he never gave up. How many of us quit after trying a few times and failing a few times? Do we keep trying and trying and appreciating the small gains? Really, the gains were not quick and immediate by any means, but they were there. I could see them, even though I'm sure he couldn't. He just had faith that he could eventually walk, and kept on going

Babies see people walk and want to walk. No matter how often they fall, how long it takes them to get better at balancing, getting up, or just not falling if they walk over a book or something; they keep trying. They've not been taught to think in terms of failure. They just see what they want, realize they can do something and keep trying and trying. Each of us had to have had perseverance at some point in our lives in order to walk. That's just one example. There are many other skills that we learn on our way from babyhood to growing up. We didn't just wake up and say, oh, I've developed enough to keep my balance and walk, and master it. We failed, and we failed a lot...we never gave up.

I think somehow we forget the lessons and learn how to think, "I can't" or "I'll never get it", or "I'll never be as good as so and so" or various other ways to talk ourselves out of trying new things in our life.

It's also been interesting in watching this little baby, that he takes his clue on how to think from us. One day, I actually fell down the stairs, while I was holding him. Thankfully, we go in slow motions during emergencies, and I was able to get my hand out to hold his head in a way that his head wouldn't hit the floor, but if anything did it was my hand. When we fell, oh my, it hurt me, but all I could see was his face looking at me in surprise. He didn't know what to think. When all I did was tell him reassuringly in a soothing voice, with a smile on my face, "It's OK Finn, you didn't hit your head", he was fine and didn't get upset at all. I told him this accident was OK, so no crying or upset happened. I remember another time he bit me pretty hard in the stomache without realizing it and I reacted in pain saying , "OW!" and pushed his head away. He saw my reaction and immediately started crying, because my reaction upset him. That was minor compared to falling down the stairs!

Through some of these experiences with him in various situations, I really began to realize how he looked to me for how to react or interpret things. He doesn't know. If something happens, and I take it in good stride, so does he. If I don't, neither does he. It kind of hits home the point to me that we can control how we react. We aren't negative and upset because of a situation; but rather because of how we have chosen to react. Most of these reactions are so automatic, we don't realize we are making a choice and do have control. Just like a baby looks to us to learn how to perceive the world, we can consciously look inward and choose other ways to react.

When I fell down the stairs, I chose to react in a soothing calming manner just for Finn's sake. Had I not had him in my arms, my reaction would have been totally different. If I can control my emotions and reactions to be positive ones for him, why can't I do it for myself. Truth be told, I can. My goal right now, is to continue to look to this little baby in my life and continue to learn the lessons to help me evolve and grow as I deal with life's obstacles little and big.

Just because I'm writing about Finn, I'll play the doting great aunt and share some photos. Here he is, at 8 months, wearing the bow from his big sister's birthday presents on her 4th birthday!

I have lots of photos of him sleeping in my arms. He loves to come downstairs to my area of the house and take his naps with me. I treasure the moments. Holding him and looking at his sweet face, makes me live in the "Now" and treasure the moments.

He is so tickled in this little picture that he has a little chair that fits him! I managed to catch him for just a brief moment of delight, before he was off and running again!

Here he is the evening of his first birthday, enjoying his cake. This picture was taken before he took his first steps between me and his mom.

Writer's Block

I always thought "writer's block" was a fictional term. I'm always able to write at the drop at the hat. However, I now think it's real, and it's most likely a term that describes a mixture of thoughts and feelings that cause one to lose interest in writing. For quite a while, I figured I didn't have anything to write about.

However, that hasn't been true in the last month or two. After my recent trip to a convention in Seattle, the recent Utah Chapter AG Bell Conference, I've had at least two separate posts that I could enter. As I sit hit attempting to craft a post, my interest in posting the entries wanes. I checked in on my blog counters and see people are still stopping by to check my blog out. Guilt begins to register, in not providing something interesting to read for those taking the time to check in. Hence my new topic about my writer's block. It's my attempt to say "Hi", to everyone who checks in and let you know that I'm alive and well.

In my household, my niece has been undergoing chemo therapy for a brain tumor. Much of my spare time during the first round of the chemo was all about helping out with the kids. By the time I get down to my rented portion of the house for the night, there's been no interest in personal endeavors. In fact the week I was gone for the convention in Seattle, I was riddled with guilt at not being here to help out.

She's between rounds of chemo at the moment, but laid up flat in bed with pneumonia. So I'm back to spending a lot of my time off work just trying to help out. Maybe between my job (by the way I quit the 2nd job at the post office a couple of months ago, to spend the weekends taking care of my great nephew who's parent was working horrendous hours during the weekend. I felt someone needed to jump in and help out, because the hours the young boy was having to spend alone just wasn't good for a child his age. So my time that has not been spent working, has often been spent helping out with my niece's kids or my nephew's kid.

Personal fun on the computer? Non-existent! When I had moments to myself, which are rare and far between, the last thing I wanted to do was be on the computer. Perhaps this is the real reason behind the writer's block.

My nephew is returning to regular work hours in the winter, so my weekends that were spend with his son, will return to being my own, at least until I start taking some college classes for a program I've been admitted to. When my niece gets past the pneumonia, there will be a brief spell of free time, before she starts the second round the day after Thanksgiving. I will work on getting past my 'writer's block" and updating my friends and family who check in on the latest events in my life! Meanwhile, thanks to everyone who still cares and checks in, even though I've been virtually absent!

Living With A Stranger

• My hands are cold, I put them up to my neck and shoulders to warm them. Instead, I find a bony clavicle pointing out. I can't find a nice section of fat-padded skin to warm them on anywhere now.
• I lay in bed before going to sleep, playing some games on my PDA, my arms struggle to get comfortable, as they rest on a rib cage. No padded pillow under my skin exists anymore.
• I attempt to rest my arms on my stomach as I lay in bed, and instead, I feel the hip bone protruding through.
• I stare at my arms, no longer do I need to tell the phlebotomist where the vein is that I call "Old Faithful". Instead of taking my word for it, despite not feeling or seeing the vein, they now can see the vein that leads to Old Faithful as it snakes up my arm, all the way to the needle site. I now see and feel many blue veins trailing up my arm.
• I rest one hand on my leg as I drive the car down the freeway. Suddenly, I lift the leg to move my foot over to another peddle. Under my hand I feel a muscle tighten, and the narrow bone underneath it. Wow, I never realized how skinny my bone is, or felt my muscles at work before.
• My hand rest on my knee and feels its bony curvature. Gone is the time where x-rays had to be used by my doctor as he inserted a needle under the knee cap; when they just couldn't feel the knee cap and be sure where it goes.
• I see old friends that I've not seen for years. They look at me and see a stranger. They don't have a clue who I am. I have to tell them, it's me, their old friend of many years. Shock registers on their faces, as they realize they do know this stranger after all.
• I see size x2 in the store as I walk by and think, my gosh, those are huge pants. Yet at one time, I remember they weren't big enough for me at all.
• I couldn't find much to wear in my size, because I was just plain too big. Now, I'm finding myself hunting through sparse selections, because, it appears I might be getting too small. Huh?
• I wonder, how long will it take before I get used to this new stranger I live with? Don't misunderstand, I love this new stranger, but it's amazing how much I still struggle to adapt in my mind to the body I now inhabit. I wonder, how long will it take for it to feel normal, or at least familiar to me?

What's a blog?

I'm beginning to think that I no longer know what a blog is, the way I've been neglecting mine. I don't know why I've had so little interest in the fun parts of the computer. During the summer I avoided the computer like the plague. Now that I'm back at school, I work on it at the office, and avoid it like the plague at home. My own home computer crashed last week and I have no idea if I'm even interested in even taking it in for diagnosis, or replacing. I certainly can't afford to replace it.

I finally took a BIG step. I quit my 2nd job. Money will be tight and I will have to learn to pinch my pennies. Initially I contemplated quitting as it was impossible, in my mind, to work two jobs 7 days a week, and take two classes in a semester; and still maintaining my sanity. My endorsement program and it's prerequisites are going to have to wait until January to begin. The program is at Utah State in Logan, so I'd have to take the classes online. Well, long story short; they didn't have the accommodations in place to provide captioning for the online classes. In January it should be in place. Until then I have a reprieve!

I could have continued to work two jobs until January. Inside, I was dragging my heels at that idea, despite the need for money. However, recently a family situation came up with my extended family, where I saw a ahuge need. I have a young family member I feel strongly that I need to be there for on the weekends. Once, I realized the need; it was easy...I quit my job the next day. I'll figure out a way to get by financially. Family matters before all else in my life.

I just realized that when I write so seldom, my blogs are boring! I end up just reporting the latest and don't even try to be entertaining. I'll work on turning over a new leaf! Maybe I can end this boring post with a comment about something that is boggling my mind when I contemplate.

In December 2005 I was wearing a size 30 or 32. I was more or less moving into size 32 at the time, as my size 30 clothes were getting to be too tight and too uncomfortable. A couple of weeks ago I went to buy some new pants for school, as all mine were too baggy. The size: (prepare for your mind to boggle!) Size 6!!! SIX!!! VII!!! How is that possible? It blows my mind every time I even contemplate it! My weight then, 387. Nearly 400. My weight this morning (150!!!!) I'm about to hit the 140's! How is this possible! I know I did it, but it's hard to believe I DID it! :)

How I Spent My Summer

I don't know what readers may still be checking my blog out. I guess I've pretty much taken a computer vacation this summer, hence no real blogging. This summer was a different kind of summer. My niece had to go through full time training for about 5 weeks. I offered to babysit, while she did that. See the pictures below to see who I spent most of my time with! My 10 month old great nephew spent many hours cuddling with me while he napped, as the first picture represents. Below that is a picture of Mac and Dalia in Burger King playing. As I've now returned to school, I really am going to miss those long precious days I got to enjoy

I'm not sure how well I will do with blogging at this point. I am returning to my seven day a week work schedule. I always found time to blog, even doing this in the past; as the computer is more a part of my life when school resumes. However, I'm going to be attending a summer program to gain another endorsement to my teaching license. The catch here is: there are some prerequisite classes that I have to take. The professor just recommended I take two classes this quarter. Life is busier than I like, but "This too shall pass"! I'll try to still blog on occasion!

GOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Yes, I'm so thrilled to announce that I finally made it to goal! After 3 1/2 years, I'm thrilled to finally be there! I'm probably going to lose an additional 5 to 10 lbs, as I can see now see how much fat there is on my body, vs the loose flabby skin.

In the early days of my blog, I pondered what a goal weight should be. I had read that the extra lose flabby skin could weigh anywhere from 2 to 20 lbs. I figured if I set the numbers too low, I may be trying to lose too much, as I had to account for extra skin. Now that I'm there, I can see more clearly. I have just a little too much fat in my hips. Everything else is good. So I will probably shoot for a little more. However, nothing can take away from the fact that I reached GOAL!!!!!!!!! Hip, hip hooray!

Before I close this blog entry, just want to apologize for so little attention to my blog. I've pretty much been on a computer vacation this summer. I've been so very busy. I've become a full time babysitter, while my niece undergoes training for her new job. By the time I can give the kids back to the parents, it's all been about doing things like walking (2 to 5 miles), then relaxing a little before heading to bed. The computer has been the last thing on my mind.

I will be returning to school in the next couple of weeks. After that happens, I should begin to post a little more! Meanwhile, despite the busy schedule, I'm CELEBRATING! I can't believe I finally achieved my GOAL! So everyone, jump up and shout, clap your hands, yell out in joy right along with me! :)