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Sep 24, 2009

Living With A Stranger

  • My hands are cold, I put them up to my neck and shoulders to warm them. Instead, I find a bony clavicle pointing out. I can't find a nice section of fat-padded skin to warm them on anywhere now.
  • I lay in bed before going to sleep, playing some games on my PDA, my arms struggle to get comfortable, as they rest on a rib cage. No padded pillow under my skin exists anymore.
  • I attempt to rest my arms on my stomach as I lay in bed, and instead, I feel the hip bone protruding through.
  • I stare at my arms, no longer do I need to tell the phlebotomist where the vein is that I call "Old Faithful". Instead of taking my word for it, despite not feeling or seeing the vein, they now can see the vein that leads to Old Faithful as it snakes up my arm, all the way to the needle site. I now see and feel many blue veins trailing up my arm.
  • I rest one hand on my leg as I drive the car down the freeway. Suddenly, I lift the leg to move my foot over to another peddle. Under my hand I feel a muscle tighten, and the narrow bone underneath it. Wow, I never realized how skinny my bone is, or felt my muscles at work before.
  • My hand rest on my knee and feels its bony curvature. Gone is the time where x-rays had to be used by my doctor as he inserted a needle under the knee cap; when they just couldn't feel the knee cap and be sure where it goes.
  • I see old friends that I've not seen for years. They look at me and see a stranger. They don't have a clue who I am. I have to tell them, it's me, their old friend of many years. Shock registers on their faces, as they realize they do know this stranger after all.
  • I see size x2 in the store as I walk by and think, my gosh, those are huge pants. Yet at one time, I remember they weren't big enough for me at all.
  • I couldn't find much to wear in my size, because I was just plain too big. Now, I'm finding myself hunting through sparse selections, because, it appears I might be getting too small. Huh?
  • I wonder, how long will it take before I get used to this new stranger I live with? Don't misunderstand, I love this new stranger, but it's amazing how much I still struggle to adapt in my mind to the body I now inhabit. I wonder, how long will it take for it to feel normal, or at least familiar to me?

6 comments:

cami said...

How amazint...what are you down to now??? Your picture looks even thinner that back in June when I saw you!

I look forward to dropping a few pounds myself here in a couple of months :)

Ang said...

WOW!!! What a neat experience to read your entry. What a cool thing to find all these differences. I absolutely loved reading this! You look GREAT!! I have been thinking of you a lot lately!! I hope you are doing well. What fun to read your blog!!

Rachelle said...

YAY ANN! you look AMAZING! You are such a beautiful person, I am so glad to have met you!

Anonymous said...

I had no idea! Thanks for sharing those insights.

Diane

Ann said...

Cami, I just hit the 140's last Friday. I was at 149. I'm surprised that I look thinner than in June. I think of the number of pounds being so few in number.

Ang, I've been thinking about you too. I've been missing the days when we all blogged more and communicated more.

Rachelle, thanks for your positive comments. I am so glad I got to meet you at Cami's house that day too! How's your little baby?

Diane, glad you found my insights interesting! I think you'd be a great blogger if you were interested!

Hmm...I enjoy these comments so much, I now am trying to figure a new post to add! :)

Anonymous said...

Voices from the past congratulate you! And recommend you drop a line to an old group called APFPY ... we do miss you. I miss my Headmistress Extraordinaire ... :-)

Buff