OK guys, I just got through watching the first half of Dancing with the Stars! I can't believe Cloris Leachman, at 82 years old is competing! 82! She was so funny, putting her leg up on Bruno's desk, kneeling in front of Len, and sitting on Carrie's lap! I want to be as vital, energetic and willing to be me at 82 years old! I'm sure she could think about a lot of reasons for someone her age not to do this. Apparently she has a "can do" attitude and is willing to live life with no excuses! That's who I want to be when I grow up! CAN DO lady, living life with no excuses!
Sep 22, 2008
My new favorite heroine!
OK guys, I just got through watching the first half of Dancing with the Stars! I can't believe Cloris Leachman, at 82 years old is competing! 82! She was so funny, putting her leg up on Bruno's desk, kneeling in front of Len, and sitting on Carrie's lap! I want to be as vital, energetic and willing to be me at 82 years old! I'm sure she could think about a lot of reasons for someone her age not to do this. Apparently she has a "can do" attitude and is willing to live life with no excuses! That's who I want to be when I grow up! CAN DO lady, living life with no excuses!
Sep 19, 2008
What's New?
Ok, nothing is really new! I seem to be afflicted by some kind of writer's block! I can't seem to think of things to write about. I started a post titled, "Writer's Block", and it was the most incredibly boring post I think I ever tried to write! Why I feel like I need to put a new entry on my blog, when I never kept a blog before starting this one last spring, I'll never know! To avoid boring anyone (myself included), I'll do a list of the things that are new in how I live my life, since my "renovation" began.
- I choose to walk a few blocks for lunch, instead of driving, on Fridays when I have office day.
- If I want to go out to eat, go to a movie or do something, I DO it. I don't even care what anyone else thinks if I'm doing social things alone! I don't sit home and watch TV because there was no one to do things with.
- I wear clothes that fit, rather than that are very baggy! I don't feel a need to hide the figure, but rather enjoy showing off things, like that I actually HAVE a waist! :)
- I will read a book, even if I haven't watched ANY of the shows I recorded that day. (Another way of saying I'm breaking the addiction!) Iactually delete shows I've not watched!
- I an extrovert inside and out. I used to say I was an extrovert masquerading as an introvert. I restrained myself so much from just being who and what I wanted to be. The funny thing is I never really understood just how much I did that. I've surprised myself by my behavior sometimes and the fact that I'm willing to just be myself, unapologetically and fully.
- I'm open to new people that I meet, rather than closed off with a wall up.
- I recognize when I am bringing myself down by allowing a negative thought or two to take root. I set about immediately to fixing my thought process and changing it around. I realize it's true, "If you want to change your life, you MUST change your thinking".
- I am HAPPY. NOW! In this moment. Not "when" I get thin, or "when" I meet my life's partner, or "when" I'm not in debt. I'm not wasting time waiting for life to be good or worth living.
Sep 14, 2008
Want a good laugh?
If you want a good laugh, click on the title above or here: http://krullfamily5.blogspot.com/2008/09/middle-wife.html
I'm telling you, this had me in stitches laughing so hard!!! I had to share this!
I'm telling you, this had me in stitches laughing so hard!!! I had to share this!
Sep 13, 2008
Changing Patterns
My efforts to continue to renovate my life continue onward. It's hard to NOT do the things that you usually do, without effort or without giving any thought to them. It's almost like you operate in an unconscious manner, without ever realizing that what you are doing. Sometime deep in the past, certain choices were made. Maybe they were made when tired, when down, or just because they were easy.
The problems begin when bad choices are made. Maybe they didn't seem bad in the moment, or maybe they are just choices that are only good in moderation. Repeated again and again, becoming part of our unconscious patterns of living life, they can become detrimental. We don't realize why our life is deteriorating, or why we're unhappy. We don't realize that we may be doing something to hurt ourselves.
When I began to work on renovating myself and my life some time ago, I really was doing superficial work in the beginning. I worked on changing how I ate and losing weight. Over time, as the emotional anesthesia that my food addictions had created lessened, I became more and more aware of changes I needed to make. No really huge steps, just small ones. Sometimes a small changes would occur, then as some more time passes and a new awareness dawns, a new change occurs.
Now, however, I find myself going deeper and deeper in making changes over the past few months. Believe it or not, the blogging has helped me, as I've explored ideas and written about them. I feel like a lot of changes have come just from that. My gratitude blog that I keep has also helped me to make changes in how I perceive my life, and helped me to be more positive. I'm at the point in my life now that I'm beginning to see some of my patterns and to understand that my "previously unconscious" behavior can and needs to change. To make changes, I have to make conscious decisions and act on them purposefully.
One such pattern was how I choose to use my free time, when I'm off work. Many of the patterns I've spent my life engaging in started from isolation, living alone, and most certainly from years before my cochlear implant, and before technology came along that allow me to be able to contact people anywhere anytime.
When I moved into my first apartment, living alone, 200 miles from home, I didn't know anyone. I was 18 years old. I couldn't use a phone, due to being profoundly deaf. This was back in 1976. There was no personal computer to send email, no instant messaging, no relay. There was me at 18, alone in an apartment, going to a technical school 3 hours a day, far away from home and anything I knew. Lots of time was left over when my homework was done. I couldn't call someone up and talk. I grew up on a farm in the country. I wouldn't have thought to go window shopping, or find ways to entertain myself. My only entertainment was reading and watching TV. Heck, there weren't even captions on the TV at that time, but such was my boredom, I'd spend hours doing it.
I can remember one particular afternoon watching out the window at an quite elderly woman walking slowly down the street. I remember thinking that I knew how isolated and alone she and other elderly people probably felt. I felt at the young age of 18 that I knew what kind of isolation the elderly probably felt. That's a sobering thought. No 18 year old should be living that kind of life. Many years of isolation continued to occur, even though I ended up having some years of roommates. There were more years alone. More years without the technology that makes the life I live today possible. What were my patterns? Sleeping until noon or later on weekends or during time off work. Sitting in front of the TV or reading. I read more before captions came along. After captions came along, I became very addicted to TV.
Thirty years down the road. How did I use my time when I was off work? Same patterns that developed at an age that I wasn't aware of different choices made back when I didn't have/perceive a lot of options, and in a strange city where I knew very few people. (I did have two sisters here, but they were busy with their lives, were far apart in age and we never really hung out.) So here I was, thirty years later, sleeping through much of the weekend. Eating a storm, addicted to TV, doing nothing else really. When I became a teacher, it got even worse. Over the course of the summer my schedule would evolve to where I slept all day when people were up and about, and was awake all night when no one was around.
I wasn't as isolated though. I knew people, I had a career, I had friends. I had lots! Technology entered my life. TTYs and relay entered my life about 20 years ago, but weren't too widely used. First I had a TTY, and could only talk to people who had one. At the time I bought my first TTY, my sister and my mother were the only people I could talk to, and they were long distance. One of my best friends who was also deaf, eventually got one, and that was nice. However, relay took another few years to come out, or for me to know about it. Even once it was there, it wasn't a habit to use a phone, so I often didn't.
Email pagers entered my life about 10 years ago, computers, and instant messaging entered my home around the same time. Also around that time, I got my first implant. I had/have a huge fear of the phone. I'm getting better and better at getting past that. It's funny that I can listen to tons of audio books, without even reading the book first, listen to the radio, and yet a phone scared/scares me. Eventually I got my second implant and life was even sweeter sound-wise. I'm expected to use the phone a bit in my current job, and my work let me pick out one that is compatible with my cochlear implant. Finally, I'm starting to talk to people on the phone and get past that fear.
Wholesale changes of technology and the possibilities with them would be going on in my life, but through unconscious living of patterns from the past, I'd still revert to patterns of old in the use of my free time by 1) sleeping and 2) watching TV. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that I'm not living life. No wonder I once wanted to be dead by 50. I wasn't living, I was existing.
I've done a lot to change my patterns, just by living with people. Moving in with my niece and her family helped me to not sleep through the summer. This past summer, I did more with my time than I have during any summer since I first became a teacher 15 years ago. I had a great summer.
As readers of my blog may know, I work two jobs, thus I work 7 days a week. I rarely get a day off. However, through a quirk of how the post office works, temporary employees (non-career employees, which I'm not since my career is teaching), get fired periodically every 3 to 6 months. We're fired for 5 days then "hired back" if they like us. We call them our "5 day break". So wonder of wonders, I've got a 5 day break!
I decided that as part of my changing of my life, I was NOT going to spend my time off engaging in the typical patterns of the last 30 some years. I did sleep in about an hour or more than I am used to, but that is ALL! I'm proud to report that I LIVED today, and had a great time. I started off taking my great niece, 3 year old Dalia to the fair. It was enjoyable to spend bonding time with her at the fair. Soon after I took her to the home, I went out with 4 of my deaf cochlear implanted friends. We planned our trip for next March, when we are all going to Anaheim to "Cochlear Celebration". We had a great time chatting up a storm as well. After dinner we went to the mall shopping, window shopping and just hanging out! We stayed until the mall closed. I came home started typing my blog.
I'm grateful that I am starting to be able to see patterns in my life, to realize more and more the things I need to change, in order to grow and continue to renovate my life. I'm so grateful to enjoy living now and be excited about life and all the possibilities ahead. Today is a sweet victory for me I realized my pattern, made sure to find and choose other alternatives to govern my day. A day that at one time I would have spent in bed or in my recliner, was instead spent mostly on my feet and active. I feel such joy to succeed in my efforts to break a self-defeating pattern!
Here's my great niece at the fair today posing as a "carrot head"! See who I was lucky to spend my time with today!
Sep 9, 2008
Sep 7, 2008
Tagging
OK, my niece, Cami tagged me by name last month to do this! I was extremely busy, with returning to the 7 day a week work week and many of my committees, and organizations resuming regular meetings. So I got a free pass for a while! Generally, I hate to do tags! However, reading on how parents do things for kids on her blog today, and her "reminder" to her sister on her sister's blog as well today about the "tag", got me thinking! Number 1, I never had kids to stretch me and get me to do things I don't want to do! Sometimes it's good to do things you don't want to do for other! Number 2, I'll let Cami (and my other nieces and any nephews that might want to join in ...though I've never seen them here) be my kids by extension and I'll volunteer to do things for my "kids" that I might not have done otherwise! Hehehe! It's time I reward her patience, and help her egg her sister on by replying to the the last month's tag. :) You're on Ang!
Long Overdue Tag Response
1. Where is your cell phone? Turned off in my purse! It's really a work phone, which is a good excuse not to use it! However, if the truth be known, I'm still scared of phones, so I tend to try and avoid using them. Data communication is more my comfort zone. I've been good and made some calls though in the last month!
2. Where is your significant other? Significant other? Wahhhhhh, I want one! I'm challenging anyone that knows and loves me to look at the men in your life and see if there's anyone you think would be a great match with me, then line me up!!!
3. Your hair? My hair, hanging on my head (and needing a dye job)! Nope, I didn't curl it or fix it up today, as I wanted to just head to work as soon as I could after leaving the comfort of my bed.
4. Your mother? Well, her body is residing in a grave right next to my father's in the Riverside -Thomas Cemetery near Blackfoot. Her soul? Heaven? Here, there, everywhere. I'm sure she checks in on her loved ones at times.
5. Your father? OK, I could copy and paste the answer in number 5 above, substituting where I said "father's" in the first line to "mother's", and changing the pronouns to masculine. However, I let you just read above comments and make the changes yourself as you read!
6. Your favorite thing? Spending time connecting with and doing things with the people I love and the friends in my life. Laughter ranks very high on my list next to being with family and friends. I guess the desire to be with people/doing things with them comes from too many years living alone and being in or feeling isolation.
7. Your dream last night? Did I have any? I know we all dream, but I never seem to remember them with RARE exceptions. One dream I remembered back in 1987 about being given a job in Denver and moving there came true! I was remembering it that morning as I got ready for work. All of a sudden I realized that this job in the company in Denver office would probably be mine if I asked for it. So I went to work and asked for it. Within an hour or so of asking, I had the job. The Denver General Manager was sooooooo excited I wanted the job, he couldn't "pick him self up off the ceiling". The CEO had me up in his office almost immediately after he got the call from the Denver General Manager about my inquiry, making plans with me. All I did was have a dream! I'm hoping for a dream that allows me to see my some possible next big steps....The Everyday Face of Jenny Craig? Motivational speaker for ???, a speaker for Cochlear Americas and how to get there. Who knows?
8. Your dream/goal? Uh....guess I kind of answered this in number 7 above!
9. The room you're in? My downstairs living room.
10. Your hobby? I need some! So far in my life, solitary ones have been about all on my list, like reading and watching TV, with the TV thing taking over way too much. I'm happy to report that has drastically decreased in the last couple months or so. To me the most important things in life are people, so it's hard to find a "thing" that interests me. All I really want is to be with people, hang out with people, connect. However, we are all busy and that can't happen much....so I need to branch out and find "things" that interests me. Anyone that knows my personality and thinks they know something that would "fit" let me know! :)
11. Your fear? I don't fear much. I spent years being afraid of social situations, because I might not be able to hear what people are saying to me, or I've had bad situations when I didn't understand what people were saying. With the cochlear implants, that fear is really gone, and with my self-renovation and increased confidence, I know I can handle anything that would have scared me socially before! I think my biggest fear is always finances, paying all the bills, and then health issues would fall next for either me or anyone I love/care about. I don't entertain thoughts along these lines though. I live in the now and enjoy the now. No sense worrying about what might one day happen (or not happen).
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Number 1: Happy! Down on the list is financially secure, in a career that utilizes my strengths with public speaking, connecting with people, and inspiring others. Ideally there'd be some travel involved in that career! I'd love to be married to the person I've searched for my whole life. However, if that doesn't happen, I know I'll still be happy and finding joy in life.
13. Where were you last night? It was one of those nights where I came home from work and didn't go anywhere. Doesn't happen as much lately, but it does happen.
14. What you're not? Moody. When I was in my 20's I realized I had some tendency to be a little moody. I worked on that consciously for a few years, as I believe no one else should be punished just because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed one day. I believe I was successful in that effort, as I've discovered some people in my life now who are surprised to find I've ever been moody.
15. One of your wish list items? A group of single friends to hang with, have fun with and meet other people via activities.
16. Where you grew up? Blackfoot, Idaho
17. The last thing you did? Downloaded a free application to my iPhone that allows me to read books on it. The original classic novel, "The Last of the Mohicans" over 1100 pages and Tarzan of the Apes, over 700 pages were already on it! Maybe I'll spend some time reading those...
18. What are you wearing? jeans and a shirt and a hoodie jacket that I got on Catalina Island a year ago (it's cold in the basement).
19. Your TV? It's on the news right now.
20. Your Pet? Haven't had one since my parents got rid of Chipper (my dog) when I was in high school without telling me. Apparently she was seen joining in with the neighborhood dogs chasing sheep (and killing them). So they had to take her to the pound. She had 3 legs and we got her when I was VERY young. So I grew up with her. I was devastated. Since that time though, I've developed allergies, so I don't keep pets.
21. Your computer? Sitting on my desk not being used. I'm typing this on my work laptop, from my couch!
22 Your mood? Pleasant.
23 Missing someone? I miss some of my friends that are so busy with family, or live far away, that I don't get to hang out with them much.
24 Your car? It's a 2004 Suzuki XL7, which is a 4WD SUV. I hate the mileage in this day of steep gas prices. I do love the color of it. It's a very beautiful shade of blue. I love the 4WD part of it when the roads are bad, since I travel in the mountains a lot for my job. I want my next car to be a hybrid 4WD.
25 Something you're not wearing? Makeup. I rarely wear that much anymore. I used to wear it all the time when I was younger. However, mascara tends to flake under my eye, early in the day, the liner smudges and the foundation flakes. Don't know if my skin has gotten drier as I aged or what. However, I found I look so much better without it, than with it looking smudged and flaky. The only time I put it on is for special occasions, which are currently once in a blue moon. I stick with moisturizer and that's about it for every day wear.
26 Favorite store? I've liked the price and some of the offerings in recent times at Shopko, and have been just as into Wal-Mart, Target and K-Mart at various times in the past. I've moved beyond pure thrift store shopping to getting some sales with "thrift store" prices at "Van Heusen's in the Outlet mall in Park City, Christopher and Banks at Fashion Place mall, and TJ Maxx near me. With my size always changing, I have to keep myself in clothes, so my biggest favorite is ALWAYS a bargain.
27 Your summer? Vastly different from any other I've ever had. I traveled a little, lived with a family of little ones, spending lots of time with them, and didn't isolate or sleep through the summer AT ALL. Yes, I have been guilty of that in the past. It was a great summer just because I LIVED, not HIBERNATED.
28 Love someone? My friends, family, children of my heart and etc. and etc.
29 Your favorite color? Green, the color of nature!
30 When is the last time you laughed? I think it was a couple of weeks ago when I had a girl's night out with several of my friends from when I taught in the high school.
31 Last time you cried? Geez, I don't remember! I guess aging brain cells are good for something!
Long Overdue Tag Response
1. Where is your cell phone? Turned off in my purse! It's really a work phone, which is a good excuse not to use it! However, if the truth be known, I'm still scared of phones, so I tend to try and avoid using them. Data communication is more my comfort zone. I've been good and made some calls though in the last month!
2. Where is your significant other? Significant other? Wahhhhhh, I want one! I'm challenging anyone that knows and loves me to look at the men in your life and see if there's anyone you think would be a great match with me, then line me up!!!
3. Your hair? My hair, hanging on my head (and needing a dye job)! Nope, I didn't curl it or fix it up today, as I wanted to just head to work as soon as I could after leaving the comfort of my bed.
4. Your mother? Well, her body is residing in a grave right next to my father's in the Riverside -Thomas Cemetery near Blackfoot. Her soul? Heaven? Here, there, everywhere. I'm sure she checks in on her loved ones at times.
5. Your father? OK, I could copy and paste the answer in number 5 above, substituting where I said "father's" in the first line to "mother's", and changing the pronouns to masculine. However, I let you just read above comments and make the changes yourself as you read!
6. Your favorite thing? Spending time connecting with and doing things with the people I love and the friends in my life. Laughter ranks very high on my list next to being with family and friends. I guess the desire to be with people/doing things with them comes from too many years living alone and being in or feeling isolation.
7. Your dream last night? Did I have any? I know we all dream, but I never seem to remember them with RARE exceptions. One dream I remembered back in 1987 about being given a job in Denver and moving there came true! I was remembering it that morning as I got ready for work. All of a sudden I realized that this job in the company in Denver office would probably be mine if I asked for it. So I went to work and asked for it. Within an hour or so of asking, I had the job. The Denver General Manager was sooooooo excited I wanted the job, he couldn't "pick him self up off the ceiling". The CEO had me up in his office almost immediately after he got the call from the Denver General Manager about my inquiry, making plans with me. All I did was have a dream! I'm hoping for a dream that allows me to see my some possible next big steps....The Everyday Face of Jenny Craig? Motivational speaker for ???, a speaker for Cochlear Americas and how to get there. Who knows?
8. Your dream/goal? Uh....guess I kind of answered this in number 7 above!
9. The room you're in? My downstairs living room.
10. Your hobby? I need some! So far in my life, solitary ones have been about all on my list, like reading and watching TV, with the TV thing taking over way too much. I'm happy to report that has drastically decreased in the last couple months or so. To me the most important things in life are people, so it's hard to find a "thing" that interests me. All I really want is to be with people, hang out with people, connect. However, we are all busy and that can't happen much....so I need to branch out and find "things" that interests me. Anyone that knows my personality and thinks they know something that would "fit" let me know! :)
11. Your fear? I don't fear much. I spent years being afraid of social situations, because I might not be able to hear what people are saying to me, or I've had bad situations when I didn't understand what people were saying. With the cochlear implants, that fear is really gone, and with my self-renovation and increased confidence, I know I can handle anything that would have scared me socially before! I think my biggest fear is always finances, paying all the bills, and then health issues would fall next for either me or anyone I love/care about. I don't entertain thoughts along these lines though. I live in the now and enjoy the now. No sense worrying about what might one day happen (or not happen).
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Number 1: Happy! Down on the list is financially secure, in a career that utilizes my strengths with public speaking, connecting with people, and inspiring others. Ideally there'd be some travel involved in that career! I'd love to be married to the person I've searched for my whole life. However, if that doesn't happen, I know I'll still be happy and finding joy in life.
13. Where were you last night? It was one of those nights where I came home from work and didn't go anywhere. Doesn't happen as much lately, but it does happen.
14. What you're not? Moody. When I was in my 20's I realized I had some tendency to be a little moody. I worked on that consciously for a few years, as I believe no one else should be punished just because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed one day. I believe I was successful in that effort, as I've discovered some people in my life now who are surprised to find I've ever been moody.
15. One of your wish list items? A group of single friends to hang with, have fun with and meet other people via activities.
16. Where you grew up? Blackfoot, Idaho
17. The last thing you did? Downloaded a free application to my iPhone that allows me to read books on it. The original classic novel, "The Last of the Mohicans" over 1100 pages and Tarzan of the Apes, over 700 pages were already on it! Maybe I'll spend some time reading those...
18. What are you wearing? jeans and a shirt and a hoodie jacket that I got on Catalina Island a year ago (it's cold in the basement).
19. Your TV? It's on the news right now.
20. Your Pet? Haven't had one since my parents got rid of Chipper (my dog) when I was in high school without telling me. Apparently she was seen joining in with the neighborhood dogs chasing sheep (and killing them). So they had to take her to the pound. She had 3 legs and we got her when I was VERY young. So I grew up with her. I was devastated. Since that time though, I've developed allergies, so I don't keep pets.
21. Your computer? Sitting on my desk not being used. I'm typing this on my work laptop, from my couch!
22 Your mood? Pleasant.
23 Missing someone? I miss some of my friends that are so busy with family, or live far away, that I don't get to hang out with them much.
24 Your car? It's a 2004 Suzuki XL7, which is a 4WD SUV. I hate the mileage in this day of steep gas prices. I do love the color of it. It's a very beautiful shade of blue. I love the 4WD part of it when the roads are bad, since I travel in the mountains a lot for my job. I want my next car to be a hybrid 4WD.
25 Something you're not wearing? Makeup. I rarely wear that much anymore. I used to wear it all the time when I was younger. However, mascara tends to flake under my eye, early in the day, the liner smudges and the foundation flakes. Don't know if my skin has gotten drier as I aged or what. However, I found I look so much better without it, than with it looking smudged and flaky. The only time I put it on is for special occasions, which are currently once in a blue moon. I stick with moisturizer and that's about it for every day wear.
26 Favorite store? I've liked the price and some of the offerings in recent times at Shopko, and have been just as into Wal-Mart, Target and K-Mart at various times in the past. I've moved beyond pure thrift store shopping to getting some sales with "thrift store" prices at "Van Heusen's in the Outlet mall in Park City, Christopher and Banks at Fashion Place mall, and TJ Maxx near me. With my size always changing, I have to keep myself in clothes, so my biggest favorite is ALWAYS a bargain.
27 Your summer? Vastly different from any other I've ever had. I traveled a little, lived with a family of little ones, spending lots of time with them, and didn't isolate or sleep through the summer AT ALL. Yes, I have been guilty of that in the past. It was a great summer just because I LIVED, not HIBERNATED.
28 Love someone? My friends, family, children of my heart and etc. and etc.
29 Your favorite color? Green, the color of nature!
30 When is the last time you laughed? I think it was a couple of weeks ago when I had a girl's night out with several of my friends from when I taught in the high school.
31 Last time you cried? Geez, I don't remember! I guess aging brain cells are good for something!
Sep 3, 2008
Public Speakers 'R Us
Just had another fun day with public speaking today. I spoke for a "too short" hour to 100 2nd graders in Kamas! What fun. This despite being asked why I have a bad voice! I even asked how many people thought I had a bad voice, and almost every hand went up! What!!!???? Then I asked how many people understood everything I said? Every hand went up. Hahaha! I told them I figured I had a "great" voice for a deaf person, and if all of them understood everything I say, then I'm doing a superb job! The fact I still loving public speaking after such a tough audience shows I'm a dyed in the wool public speaker!
Looking for a public speaker at your next event? Look no further ladies and gentlemen! I'll wow even the toughest critic! Of course, like all my audiences, by the time I finished with them, they were all my best friends and eating out of my hands! Come one come all! I dare you to see if you can help me fill up my calendar with public speaking events!!! :) Yep, you're right, I did say I believe in dreams. Here's one waiting to be filled!
Looking for a public speaker at your next event? Look no further ladies and gentlemen! I'll wow even the toughest critic! Of course, like all my audiences, by the time I finished with them, they were all my best friends and eating out of my hands! Come one come all! I dare you to see if you can help me fill up my calendar with public speaking events!!! :) Yep, you're right, I did say I believe in dreams. Here's one waiting to be filled!
Aug 29, 2008
Memories
I've grown to have a new appreciation of memories this week. I saw "Mama Mia" a 2nd time this week with a friend of mine. I had just a good time I was practically dancing in my seat. For me it was even better the 2nd time around cause I was relishing sharing a great movie with someone who was loving it every bit as much as I thought she would. After the movie, I downloaded the soundtrack onto my iPhone.
The next day, I listened to the music as I drove. As different songs came on, my memories of particular scenes associated with that song would be flashing through my memories. I found myself reacting with as much joy to the memories, as I did to the actual movie. Wow, what a concept, great memories can continue to bring joy over and over if you appreciate them enough.
I also had downloaded Randy Pausch's book "The Last Lecture". I talked about his lecture in one of my blogs within the last couple of months. In the book, he talked about memories and how important they were for him to build for his children. The children are so young that the youngest most likely won't have any memories of him when she grows up. The oldest would have the most, but he was still too young to have many, and the middle child would have fewer. He thought about the memories he had crystallized from childhood and the experiences that made them memorable, things like the trip to Disney world and others that stayed with him. He was endeavoring to create many experiences in whatever life he had left that would be the kind to stay with them and crystallizes like some of his from similar early ages. It really made me realize how important it was to live life with joy, fully engaged to create the memories that children can treasure as they get older.
In recent evenings at home, I'd been focused on trying to work and finish some projects, as the kids played around me. They enjoy hanging with me or else missed me enough (I've rarely been home in recent weeks) to hang out and play in my part of the house, even though I was not even engaging with them. I determined I was going to go home and be fully engaged and joyful, interacting in ways to build positive memories. I had bought two $10 shirts that day, I wanted to try them on when I got home. Dalia tried one on while I tried on the other, then we swapped shirts. I actually snapped a picture of her in my yellow shirt, then after we snapped that picture, we swapped shirts and we decided to take a picture of both of us wearing the shirts. I've included them here!
Don't we looked like we were having lots of fun and thoroughly enjoying ourselves. Who knows, maybe even building a memory. The evening wasn't over. Dalia LOVES Mama Mia and has seen it twice herself. Mackie and Dalia listen to the soundtrack in the car with their mom. I pulled out my iPhone instead of watching one of my shows, we all three were huddled together, laughing, singing and enjoying the soundtrack. Rather than being focused on myself and my needs, I focused on building some delightful memories. Hopefully some day a few of the memories might survive to their adulthood and they will remember me fondly, whether I'm here in person and they get to reminisce, or whether I have passed on.
Another thing I discovered is that we have the power to control how we remember things that happen that are not great things to remember, maybe even negative. Yesterday I had some things happen that were upsetting in one way or another. One event was putting some papers on my car, in the middle of transferring things from the state vehicle to my personal vehicle. These papers were separated out from everything else, because they were my most important papers, that I wanted to put in an easily accessible place. Long story short, I forgot I put them up there, and drove off. They blew out of the binder they were in about 5 blocks away. I didn't realize at first where the papers flying around behind me were coming from. I was sick inside when I realized what was happening and figured I couldn't possibly retrieve them. I was going to Just drive home, sick inside and worried about not only my missing information but the papers blowing around that would violate many students' privacy. Instead, due to so many of the changes I've undergone in my personal renovation, I was willing to go back, try to figure where they started blowing and try to retrieve them. I walked two long blocks, retrieving some papers from the middle of the street when there was a break in traffic, some from gutters, and some from lanes during traffic breaks and some from lawns and etc. I was so proud of myself for being willing to be proactive and try to limit the damage. The upshot, so far, it seems that there are only two papers from that pile that are missing. I retrieved the rest. Even the tire damaged ones were readable where they needed to be. At the time I wrote my gratitude log last night, I didn't yet know how much I'd recovered and how much I hadn't. However I wrote about how grateful I was for the change in me that allowed me to be proactive and try to limit damage, rather than just slinking off and driving away, really sick inside about students personal information flying around the streets, and all the missing information. Today, when I thought about what happened, my memory that flashed through was a positive one, and it was all about my personal growth and how I handled it, not about what happened, or damaged papers.
I also had an upsetting phone call about an erroneous bill with a customer service representative that was misinformed and created a lot of conflict. After the call I found some documentation that will help me in my case and it helped me to realize the customer service operator was wrong and that I had proof of it. I even found something to be grateful about in that situation. I was grateful for the documentation I found. Even though the situation isn't over, and there will be more long calls and possible aggravation ahead, I documented the part I was grateful about. My memory today? Not the extremely aggravated and emotionally upset one from the phone call, but rather the gratefulness at what I found. My attempts to be grateful, to find something to have gratitude for, no matter how difficult, is shaping my memories making them good, where otherwise they would have been upsetting, aggravating or unsettling.
My summary of what I've learned about memories this week.
The next day, I listened to the music as I drove. As different songs came on, my memories of particular scenes associated with that song would be flashing through my memories. I found myself reacting with as much joy to the memories, as I did to the actual movie. Wow, what a concept, great memories can continue to bring joy over and over if you appreciate them enough.
I also had downloaded Randy Pausch's book "The Last Lecture". I talked about his lecture in one of my blogs within the last couple of months. In the book, he talked about memories and how important they were for him to build for his children. The children are so young that the youngest most likely won't have any memories of him when she grows up. The oldest would have the most, but he was still too young to have many, and the middle child would have fewer. He thought about the memories he had crystallized from childhood and the experiences that made them memorable, things like the trip to Disney world and others that stayed with him. He was endeavoring to create many experiences in whatever life he had left that would be the kind to stay with them and crystallizes like some of his from similar early ages. It really made me realize how important it was to live life with joy, fully engaged to create the memories that children can treasure as they get older.
In recent evenings at home, I'd been focused on trying to work and finish some projects, as the kids played around me. They enjoy hanging with me or else missed me enough (I've rarely been home in recent weeks) to hang out and play in my part of the house, even though I was not even engaging with them. I determined I was going to go home and be fully engaged and joyful, interacting in ways to build positive memories. I had bought two $10 shirts that day, I wanted to try them on when I got home. Dalia tried one on while I tried on the other, then we swapped shirts. I actually snapped a picture of her in my yellow shirt, then after we snapped that picture, we swapped shirts and we decided to take a picture of both of us wearing the shirts. I've included them here!
Don't we looked like we were having lots of fun and thoroughly enjoying ourselves. Who knows, maybe even building a memory. The evening wasn't over. Dalia LOVES Mama Mia and has seen it twice herself. Mackie and Dalia listen to the soundtrack in the car with their mom. I pulled out my iPhone instead of watching one of my shows, we all three were huddled together, laughing, singing and enjoying the soundtrack. Rather than being focused on myself and my needs, I focused on building some delightful memories. Hopefully some day a few of the memories might survive to their adulthood and they will remember me fondly, whether I'm here in person and they get to reminisce, or whether I have passed on.
Another thing I discovered is that we have the power to control how we remember things that happen that are not great things to remember, maybe even negative. Yesterday I had some things happen that were upsetting in one way or another. One event was putting some papers on my car, in the middle of transferring things from the state vehicle to my personal vehicle. These papers were separated out from everything else, because they were my most important papers, that I wanted to put in an easily accessible place. Long story short, I forgot I put them up there, and drove off. They blew out of the binder they were in about 5 blocks away. I didn't realize at first where the papers flying around behind me were coming from. I was sick inside when I realized what was happening and figured I couldn't possibly retrieve them. I was going to Just drive home, sick inside and worried about not only my missing information but the papers blowing around that would violate many students' privacy. Instead, due to so many of the changes I've undergone in my personal renovation, I was willing to go back, try to figure where they started blowing and try to retrieve them. I walked two long blocks, retrieving some papers from the middle of the street when there was a break in traffic, some from gutters, and some from lanes during traffic breaks and some from lawns and etc. I was so proud of myself for being willing to be proactive and try to limit the damage. The upshot, so far, it seems that there are only two papers from that pile that are missing. I retrieved the rest. Even the tire damaged ones were readable where they needed to be. At the time I wrote my gratitude log last night, I didn't yet know how much I'd recovered and how much I hadn't. However I wrote about how grateful I was for the change in me that allowed me to be proactive and try to limit damage, rather than just slinking off and driving away, really sick inside about students personal information flying around the streets, and all the missing information. Today, when I thought about what happened, my memory that flashed through was a positive one, and it was all about my personal growth and how I handled it, not about what happened, or damaged papers.
I also had an upsetting phone call about an erroneous bill with a customer service representative that was misinformed and created a lot of conflict. After the call I found some documentation that will help me in my case and it helped me to realize the customer service operator was wrong and that I had proof of it. I even found something to be grateful about in that situation. I was grateful for the documentation I found. Even though the situation isn't over, and there will be more long calls and possible aggravation ahead, I documented the part I was grateful about. My memory today? Not the extremely aggravated and emotionally upset one from the phone call, but rather the gratefulness at what I found. My attempts to be grateful, to find something to have gratitude for, no matter how difficult, is shaping my memories making them good, where otherwise they would have been upsetting, aggravating or unsettling.
My summary of what I've learned about memories this week.
- If we relish and enjoy the moments, being grateful for awesome experiences as we live them, we can relive the joy when the memories are activated.
- Endeavor to live life more fully engaged and in an effort to build wonderful memories for the people you care about in your life, so that whether it's while you're alive, or after you pass on, you can still bring joy. The joy will be in the memories of those you love when they think of you and fondly, perhaps if we're lucky lovingly reminisce.
- Find a way to be grateful for or to find a way to be positive about your negative experiences. To do so appears to cause them to lose some of their negative power to some degree. Rather, the positive things you attempt to create become a big part of what flashes through your mind when your memory of the event is activated.
Go out and live the memories that you want to have in your tomorrows!
Aug 26, 2008
Back By Popular Demand!
Ok, ok, my title is really my attempt to be funny! I've been extremely busy since starting my school year, and almost at the same time, having my social life take a jump, on top practically every committee I'm on scheduling meetings! I haven't had time to be "insightful" about anything! I like to try to do insightful entries on occasions, showing my "renovation journey". Tonight, I decided to try and do a statistics entry to answer question posed by one dear reader who wanted to know "Where are thou?" :)
- #of days I have worked without a day off: 11
- # of days until my next day off: 5
- # of days off at that future date: 1
- # of teachers emailed in last 2 weeks: >150
- # of meals out in 2 weeks: 8
- # of pounds gained in 2 weeks: 7
- # of evenings I got to spend at home in 2 weeks: approx: 4-5
- average time of arrival home on evenings NOT spent at home: 9:00 p.m.
- # of miles I drive on average, per day: 110
- # of school buildings I've visited in 4 days on the road: 14
- # of works days I spent without a desk to work at due to office move: 5
- # of days my office has been unpacked: 0
- # of days until my office gets unpacked: 30??? 60???
- # of students I will visit with tomorrow: 14
- # of schools I will travel to visit above students: 8
- # of hours i will commute tomorrow: 3
- # of days I didn't write down 5 things to be grateful for: 0
I may be having just a little difficulty adjust from working 2 days a week, to this schedule now that summer is over and I'm back teaching. However, I'm sure in a jiffy I will get used to my schedule and maybe it will even calm down a little. I'm still keeping positive and I'm trying to get back on track with the Jenny Craig stuff. I WILL lose the weight I gained from all the dining out!
I do keep a gratitude log daily, as you noticed from my last statistic above. I have actually been keeping the gratitude log in a personal gratitude blog, that is separate from this blog and is password protected. It is more private. I've decided that in the interest of time, I will no longer include my 5 daily gratitudes in this blog. It's too much duplication to repeat them twice.
I'm firmly convinced in the importance of keeping my gratitude blog. It keeps my mind looking for positives each and every day. I find I can not be focused on negatives or obsessed with them, if I'm focusing on looking for things to be grateful for. On hard days, it's a struggle to find the 5 things to be grateful for, but those are the days it's the most important days to do it. It's a form of "counting your blessings" and a way to keep adjusting and re-adjusting the attitude towards the positive. When I analyze a day, if I'm so busy looking hard for 5 things to be grateful for, I can't look at the day in a negative light. If I look at the day in a negative light, I can't find 5 things to be grateful for at all. Another discovery: If I'm able to live my day so that I am looking for the things to be grateful for in the moments, as they are happening, I find my day becomes a joyful exercise in appreciating life while it's being lived. That is a higher level that I want to be able to sustain on a daily basis, and is a goal for me.
Aug 17, 2008
Who's your best friend?
Now that sounds like a real obvious question, that I asked in the title. It's not. Mainly because I'm going to build an argument for someone that you might not have considered. I think at some point in our adult lives, all of us realize that there's only one person we can really count on. One person that will never leave us. One person who truly cares about our welfare. No, not your parents, your sibling, your spouse, your children. None of these people people, despite how much you love each other is the person I think should come to mind. I'm going to propose that we need to be our own best friend.
Think of the best friend you've had. Do you have fun with them? Were they positive people who made you feel good about yourself? Would you ever do anything but try to make them feel good about themselves? Were you kind to each other and helpful? Think of the qualities that makes someone a best friend. Helpful, thoughtful, listens to you, compassionate, fun, and etc. Do you shun at looking at yourself in the mirror, and when you see yourself, immediately criticize your appearance? Would you do that to your best friend? When you see your best friend, you're never noticing the wrinkles, the messy hair, or anything else. You're usually noticing the smile, the good humor, and all the things you like about them. We need to do the same to ourselves.
I've gone from criticizing myself in the mirror to seeing the face of a friend! It can happen. Every time I see myself in the mirror, I give myself a big smile! I notice the nice things about myself. It's taken time and years to work on self-esteem, to work on being positive about myself, and to dismiss the negative judgements that others make about me. The negative opinions of some in my life regarding me or my character doesn't matter. The only person who's opinion matters is mine! I've gotten so much better at handling the judgements thrown my way, because I truly know who I am and who I am working to be. I also take care of myself and my emotional well being instead of being hard on myself.
One of the common things I've heard people do, is to "break a diet" and then tear themselves apart for their lapse. Of course I don't believe in diets, or in labeling food as good food and bad food, then judging ourselves if we ate bad food. However, I've seen people do this and put themselves in a tail spin over that. Would you tell your friend that the food they just ate was bad for them, they ruined their diet, and they have no will power? Never, not if you're a good best friend. I always eat what I want, no judgements ever, and then work it into my program, in whatever way I can. I'm not a bad person if I ate the home made cookie that my niece made, or the cinnamon roll in the bakery or whatever it was that is not in my program. I'm not lacking will power because I ate that. No, I just wanted a cookie, cinnamon roll or what not. No judgements needed. Instead of wasting time and energy with a "broken diet negativity " (which I've never done since by my definition, I'm not on a diet), I just make adjustment to my program and figure out how to either make room for it that day, or to continue to stick with the program with the next meal or snack. This is one way of treating yourself just as compassonately as you would your best friend.
I have another example from about 20 years ago. I wasn't as far along in terms of a positive self-esteem as I am now, but here and there I did an awesome job of being my own best friend. One day I was really upset about something that happened as a result of my deafness. This was pre-cochlear implants, so I really had many more struggles then. I was left out, lost, confused and really hurt by the isolation that was happening to me in a social situation. It was not a single situation that made me cry and feel broken-hearted, but rather, just the straw that broke the camel's back. That day, when I went home, I stood in front of the mirror and talked to myself for about an hour. Seeing myself in the mirror made me see me as a person to be treasured, rather than as someone to be upset with or be negative about. I can still see myself as I looked then. I started trying to find a positive spin what was upsetting to me, to counsel the person bawling in the mirror, the same way I do when someone (best friend, student or family member) is upset. I listened to my problems, then I tried to find a positive way to look at the situation and not tear myself apart.
As a result, I ended up giving myself one of the greatest pep talks I ever had. By the time the hour had gone by, instead of a bawling, falling apart mess, I was laughing. My skin still splotchy and swollen from the crying jag that preceded it, but the laughter, the smile and etc. breaking through. While looking at myself in the mirror, I saw so many positive things about me that I never would have seen if I hadn't been looking in the mirror and seen a person that needed my help and compassion. I even complimented myself on how good that I looked that day, even crying and all! I never forgot about that.
I didn't remember that and follow that example for much of my life. Had I worked to always take care of myself, seen myself as a valuable person in the mirror, like I did that day; I might have avoided some pretty depressing years. I might have not needed to renovate my life, like I am now. There is no blame there though. I've obviously been on a journey through life, and need to learn and to grow. I'm on the path now to something great, it doesn't matter how long it's taking me to get there or how many times I've fallen down on the way. All of it is making me who I am today. I'm grateful for who I am today.
Today after I got off work, I needed something. I was hankering for a best friend to go to dinner with, go to the movies or the mall and hang out with. I wanted something fun to end my weekend that is never really fun, since I work the entire weekend and the entire week. I have lots of good friends and people I would have loved to be with. However, just about every one of them has a family, spouses and other responsibilities. It's not like my early 20's when all my friends were single and unattached, and at the spur of the moment, we could get together and do things. Now, doing things have to be planned in advance, and there are times even those plans fall apart because of responsibilities going on in my friend's lives. So instead of being melancholy about the fact that I'm still single and unattached and wanting some companionship, where there was none avaiilable at the spur of the moment, I decided to be my own best friend tonight.
I took myself out to dinner. I hung around with myself while I tried to find things that I wanted to do. Unfortunately, not everything worked out, but I did try a few things. I tried the mall, but it was closing up. I wanted to find a new park to go walking in, but instead, found the place the map on my iPhone was leading me to was a building that was a recreational center, run by the city Park's department! :) I ended up near a theater and and almost took myself to the movies, but decided at the last minute, that there wasn't anything I wanted to see that was showing there before 10:00 p.m. That would be much too late for my schedule. However, just trying to hang with myself, find something fun to do, just helped my mood, and made me feel I was important, even if most things didn't pan out. I also resolved in the future to find more things going on in the world around me to do, and do them. It doesn't matter if I do everything alone. I always will have my best friend with me!
Most of the weekends, when I'm doing 7 day work weeks, I have tended to try to give myself some "me" time by closing the door to my apartment after I get off work and spending time alone. However, I realized how much I missed the kids now that I'm working and gone more. I know at least one of the kids (yep Dalia) wants to be down here with me much of the time when I'm home, which isn't much now. However, because I'd taken care of trying to meet my needs, failed attempts and all; my emotional equilibrium was much more balanced when I finally came home. I was ready to greet the little kids that were waiting when I got home, and spend any time with them that they wanted and to want it too! Dalia was at the door when I came home, as excited to see me as I was to see her, and wanting to come downstairs with me. Since I was "balanced" (due to my best friend trying to take care of me) I was able to be enthused and excited to be with her and to hang with her downstairs, instead of thinking I needed "me" time.
We can be our own best friend, and in doing so bring out our best selves. When we have people around to share in our lives, we can enjoy every moment with them. However, if there's no one else there, we still have a great and valuable friend around, if we just learn to be kind to ourselves and to value ourselves. When we love ourselves, our reservoir is filled. When it's filled we are able to give of ourselves unselfishly, treasure and truly love others.
Gratitude log:
Think of the best friend you've had. Do you have fun with them? Were they positive people who made you feel good about yourself? Would you ever do anything but try to make them feel good about themselves? Were you kind to each other and helpful? Think of the qualities that makes someone a best friend. Helpful, thoughtful, listens to you, compassionate, fun, and etc. Do you shun at looking at yourself in the mirror, and when you see yourself, immediately criticize your appearance? Would you do that to your best friend? When you see your best friend, you're never noticing the wrinkles, the messy hair, or anything else. You're usually noticing the smile, the good humor, and all the things you like about them. We need to do the same to ourselves.
I've gone from criticizing myself in the mirror to seeing the face of a friend! It can happen. Every time I see myself in the mirror, I give myself a big smile! I notice the nice things about myself. It's taken time and years to work on self-esteem, to work on being positive about myself, and to dismiss the negative judgements that others make about me. The negative opinions of some in my life regarding me or my character doesn't matter. The only person who's opinion matters is mine! I've gotten so much better at handling the judgements thrown my way, because I truly know who I am and who I am working to be. I also take care of myself and my emotional well being instead of being hard on myself.
One of the common things I've heard people do, is to "break a diet" and then tear themselves apart for their lapse. Of course I don't believe in diets, or in labeling food as good food and bad food, then judging ourselves if we ate bad food. However, I've seen people do this and put themselves in a tail spin over that. Would you tell your friend that the food they just ate was bad for them, they ruined their diet, and they have no will power? Never, not if you're a good best friend. I always eat what I want, no judgements ever, and then work it into my program, in whatever way I can. I'm not a bad person if I ate the home made cookie that my niece made, or the cinnamon roll in the bakery or whatever it was that is not in my program. I'm not lacking will power because I ate that. No, I just wanted a cookie, cinnamon roll or what not. No judgements needed. Instead of wasting time and energy with a "broken diet negativity " (which I've never done since by my definition, I'm not on a diet), I just make adjustment to my program and figure out how to either make room for it that day, or to continue to stick with the program with the next meal or snack. This is one way of treating yourself just as compassonately as you would your best friend.
I have another example from about 20 years ago. I wasn't as far along in terms of a positive self-esteem as I am now, but here and there I did an awesome job of being my own best friend. One day I was really upset about something that happened as a result of my deafness. This was pre-cochlear implants, so I really had many more struggles then. I was left out, lost, confused and really hurt by the isolation that was happening to me in a social situation. It was not a single situation that made me cry and feel broken-hearted, but rather, just the straw that broke the camel's back. That day, when I went home, I stood in front of the mirror and talked to myself for about an hour. Seeing myself in the mirror made me see me as a person to be treasured, rather than as someone to be upset with or be negative about. I can still see myself as I looked then. I started trying to find a positive spin what was upsetting to me, to counsel the person bawling in the mirror, the same way I do when someone (best friend, student or family member) is upset. I listened to my problems, then I tried to find a positive way to look at the situation and not tear myself apart.
As a result, I ended up giving myself one of the greatest pep talks I ever had. By the time the hour had gone by, instead of a bawling, falling apart mess, I was laughing. My skin still splotchy and swollen from the crying jag that preceded it, but the laughter, the smile and etc. breaking through. While looking at myself in the mirror, I saw so many positive things about me that I never would have seen if I hadn't been looking in the mirror and seen a person that needed my help and compassion. I even complimented myself on how good that I looked that day, even crying and all! I never forgot about that.
I didn't remember that and follow that example for much of my life. Had I worked to always take care of myself, seen myself as a valuable person in the mirror, like I did that day; I might have avoided some pretty depressing years. I might have not needed to renovate my life, like I am now. There is no blame there though. I've obviously been on a journey through life, and need to learn and to grow. I'm on the path now to something great, it doesn't matter how long it's taking me to get there or how many times I've fallen down on the way. All of it is making me who I am today. I'm grateful for who I am today.
Today after I got off work, I needed something. I was hankering for a best friend to go to dinner with, go to the movies or the mall and hang out with. I wanted something fun to end my weekend that is never really fun, since I work the entire weekend and the entire week. I have lots of good friends and people I would have loved to be with. However, just about every one of them has a family, spouses and other responsibilities. It's not like my early 20's when all my friends were single and unattached, and at the spur of the moment, we could get together and do things. Now, doing things have to be planned in advance, and there are times even those plans fall apart because of responsibilities going on in my friend's lives. So instead of being melancholy about the fact that I'm still single and unattached and wanting some companionship, where there was none avaiilable at the spur of the moment, I decided to be my own best friend tonight.
I took myself out to dinner. I hung around with myself while I tried to find things that I wanted to do. Unfortunately, not everything worked out, but I did try a few things. I tried the mall, but it was closing up. I wanted to find a new park to go walking in, but instead, found the place the map on my iPhone was leading me to was a building that was a recreational center, run by the city Park's department! :) I ended up near a theater and and almost took myself to the movies, but decided at the last minute, that there wasn't anything I wanted to see that was showing there before 10:00 p.m. That would be much too late for my schedule. However, just trying to hang with myself, find something fun to do, just helped my mood, and made me feel I was important, even if most things didn't pan out. I also resolved in the future to find more things going on in the world around me to do, and do them. It doesn't matter if I do everything alone. I always will have my best friend with me!
Most of the weekends, when I'm doing 7 day work weeks, I have tended to try to give myself some "me" time by closing the door to my apartment after I get off work and spending time alone. However, I realized how much I missed the kids now that I'm working and gone more. I know at least one of the kids (yep Dalia) wants to be down here with me much of the time when I'm home, which isn't much now. However, because I'd taken care of trying to meet my needs, failed attempts and all; my emotional equilibrium was much more balanced when I finally came home. I was ready to greet the little kids that were waiting when I got home, and spend any time with them that they wanted and to want it too! Dalia was at the door when I came home, as excited to see me as I was to see her, and wanting to come downstairs with me. Since I was "balanced" (due to my best friend trying to take care of me) I was able to be enthused and excited to be with her and to hang with her downstairs, instead of thinking I needed "me" time.
We can be our own best friend, and in doing so bring out our best selves. When we have people around to share in our lives, we can enjoy every moment with them. However, if there's no one else there, we still have a great and valuable friend around, if we just learn to be kind to ourselves and to value ourselves. When we love ourselves, our reservoir is filled. When it's filled we are able to give of ourselves unselfishly, treasure and truly love others.
Gratitude log:
- I'm grateful for little Dalia. I truly had a wonderful time in the hour or so I spent with her between getting home and bedtime.
- I'm also grateful for little Mackie. He came down wearing his sister's dress and giving me a good laugh. He is so cute, no matter what he wears or doesn't wear!
- I'm grateful for the journey I'm on. It's awesome to no longer feel my life is stagnating and falling apart, but rather that it's a joyous and wondrous jouorney to a future I'm eagerly anticipating.
- I'm grateful for the end of my post office work week. It's always nice when it's over and I have 5 days off before I go back again.
- I'm grateful for my best friend, me! As you can tell, she's really been and awesome friend lately and I appreciate that. I may sound schizophrenic, but I really am grateful. She's a pretty cool lady! :)
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